JUST A FEW GAY THOUGHTS
In the life of many guys there is at some point something new and unexpected that arouses curiosity and sometimes disturbance. These are small things that can occur in different ways depending on age of the guy and his previous sexual experiences, but it’s essential to understand the scope and meaning of these things. I’ll list here only for some examples the most typical situations:
1) LOVING FRIENDSHIP – “I know instinctively that I need the physical presence of this friend of mine, I am happy when he’s close to me and I’m sad when he’s not, I wait to review him, his voice is printed in my brain, between us there is a total confidence, we say all to each other, for him I would do anything, when he’s not close to me I need him, when he calls me on the phone my heart beats very strong and I’m anxious, I would spend with him all time, when I see him with a girl I’m jealous, and even when I see him speaking with another guy.” These expressions commonly interpreted as forms of simple friendship show the establishment of a veiled form of love that apparently has no outside of sexual connotation and very often doesn’t present any conscious sexual connotations even for the guy who lives the loving friendship. This is a highly emotional involvement, which should not be underestimated by the mere fact that it doesn’t show immediately any sexual connotation. It should be borne in mind that the experience of a starting dip love by a gay guy is based on continuity between emotions and sexuality.
2) INVOLUNTARY SEXUAL REACTIONS. Some examples:
a) A beautiful boy just walked by, I turned my head to watch and I was feeling horny but I kept it under control.
b) I spend a lot of time in the locker room to watch a friend of mine who gets undressed and I’m curious to see his dick.
c) I was sitting in the car to talk to a guy, we were alone, and at some point I felt horny.
d) Hour hands just touched for a moment and I felt like a thrill, a kind of electric shock and wanted it to happen again. e) I saw on the street two guys hand in hand and I felt a shiver. f) I saw on the ground a gay porno magazine and I felt horny.
3) VOLUNTARY SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS. Some examples:
a) When we went into school trip I have done everything to get settled in a room with him because I wanted to see him at least in his briefs.
b) In the gym I learned by heart its timetable because I don’t want to miss the moment when he strips.
c) I tried to talk him sexually to see him horny.
d) I deliberately fondled his hair.
e) During the match I felt on him and for a moment I put my hand there. f) I’m always thinking about him and whatever I’d do to him. So at least in the imagination I do very much sex with him. I like him because when I think about him this way I feel horny and I like it when it happens.
g) I jerk off thinking about him; in practice I’m addicted to that.
These things often happen to guys who have a girl and even to guys that have a regular sex life with their girlfriends. The underestimation of the indicative elements that we just reported is extremely common among boys, who are led by environmental pressures, family and religion to credit in themselves the idea of being heterosexual. This way the gay thoughts, that could be outcrop, are removed or more often devalued with attitudes that can be roughly summed up in phrases like:
a) It only happens when she isn’t close to me.
b) It happens only sometimes.
c) I take such thoughts easily under control.
d) Yes, it happens, but I don’t feel conditioned at all.
d) Yes, it happens, but I don’t feel conditioned at all.
e) It’s a kind of game, basically for me those things are not very important.
f) Well, it happened, but I’m not gay, I feel I’m not!
g) Well, but it doesn’t matter!
The devaluation of gay content corroborates the guy in his presumption of heterosexuality and starts another mechanism to procure additional confirmation through the exercise of heterosexual sexuality. The boy who is trying to submerge his emerging homosexuality tries to exorcize it in various ways:
1) He starts or intensifies heterosexual involvement focused mainly on sexual dimension. “I got a girl and we do everything.”
2) He gives his heterosexual involvement, as it’s possible, a public dimension to show widely his heterosexual live: you see him around with the girl, he takes pictures with her and put the photos on the net, he speaks often about her with his friends.
3) He systematically fails to mention to her his homosexual fantasies.
4) He begins to live his sexuality on two different levels: one, heterosexual, based on external heterosexual relationships and social life and another much more private, homosexual, based on masturbation. Clearly the guy who flees from his gay identity tends to validate the meaning of his heterosexual relationships and to devalue masturbation as something absolutely marginal, precisely because characterized by gay masturbation fantasies.
A gay who behaves as we just described is not heterosexual because he doesn’t love a girl looking to her good and her future but he only uses her, more or less consciously, in order to cover his own homosexuality.
The discovery of their own homosexuality for many guys is something traumatic for cultural reasons and following assimilation of prohibitions and preconceptions of various kinds. These prohibitions and these preconceptions are absolutely senseless; nevertheless such things make the boy who discovers he’s gay, feel like breaking a taboo. The reactions sometimes can also be heavily negative, if the demonization of homosexuality is not only due to social origin but comes from some personal traumatic or unpleasant experience. I’ll try to summarize below some expressions identifying the shock of a guy facing the need to be aware of being gay:
1) I am gay! No! My God! I dislike it at all, I always had a girl, I always liked women, and I’d never be gay!
2) Where I live people are stupid and bad, how can I be gay here? It’s impossible!
3) I’m gay like that bastard guy I told you before? No! Better I kill me!
GAY GUYS AND ETHEROSEXUAL TRAP
The gay guys, to escape their homosexuality take refuge in the heterosexuality that is not their true sexual orientation, starting from the premise that heterosexual relationships in which they board are a kind of experiment from which you can exit how and when you want. The assumption is nonetheless very far from reality and the gay guy realizes easily that he entered a situation much more complicated than he thought which involves not only the girl, but her parents and the entire surrounding social environment. In a socially backward, in which the emotional problems of daughters are experienced as a family affair whose natural outlet is marriage, a gay guy who was hiding himself in heterosexuality feels that he is in a sort of golden cage from which it’s very difficult to escape due to a complex interplay of projections and expectations also by the family of the gay guy himself. When a gay guy feels that the golden cage is closing on him, he realizes that he’s going to face two alternative options:
1) Break the engagement, causing many and serious reactions from the girl, her parents and gay guys family itself (if parents are unaware that their son is gay or they are unable to understand).
2) Go ahead despite everything, with the inevitable prospect of marriage. This helps avoids short term problems nevertheless leads to situations without exit, where the gay guy in expected to pretend being heterosexual for a lifetime, accepting the marriage sex life that for a gay guy is certainly unnatural. This way the homosexuality will emerge after marriage with unpredictable and traumatic outcomes.
In conclusion what can I advise guys who experience indicative elements of their homosexuality? The answer can be summarized as follows:
1) Do not underestimate the elements that make you think you are gay. 2) Remember that beyond the prejudices and ignorance, being gay is something high and noble and should be lived with dignity, without ever lowering his head in front of anyone. Homosexuality is one of the ways of living human sexuality and for gay people happiness is a possible condition. For that condition of happiness you have to fight strenuously.
3) If you don’t feel really heterosexual do not commit in heterosexual relationships that will be for you only a trap.
If you like, you can participate to the discussion on this post opened on GAY PROJECT FORUM – ENGLISH: