CHAT September 19, 2012 AT 9:05
Henry wrote: Hello Project! Thanks for the contact
Project wrote: Hello Henry! Nice to meet you!
Henry wrote: I would not bother you, but if you have a little time I’d like to talk about something
Project wrote: At this time of the morning you can be sure that there is no one, I have all the time you want
Henry wrote: So if you want I go straight to the point, okay?
Project wrote: Yes, yes, of course!
Henry wrote: So I am 28 y. o., live in southern Italy, we say that in practice until recently I had no experience of relationships (I’m not talking about sex) with gay guys.
Henry wrote: In my village there are gay people, that is obvious, there are but it’s as if there weren’t at all and this is because no one would take well such a thing,
Henry wrote: so basically I have lived for years just on the web but now I’ll explain. I met 3 or 4 guys in a dating site
Project wrote: I recommend be always attentive to the prevention, sorry if I remind you, but for me this is the first concern when I talk with the guys.
Henry wrote: No, wait, with those guys I have not done anything, first of all because they were not close to my village and then because the fear that someone might discover us was such that you could not even imagine
Henry wrote: and I liked one of those guys (only one and just a bit so to speak), however this is not the point, I told you of dating just to get you to understand that where I am I can’t go anything concrete with guys.
Project wrote: Ok, got it!
Henry wrote: Imagine that the guy I liked best suggested that we could have sex in cam but I said no because I was afraid that maybe he could record everything, I was sad a lot, but I did not want to risk at all, I suggested only a voice chat without cam and he sent me to hell, but still…
Henry wrote: I wanted to make it clear that for me to think I could have a true story with a guy is just not possible
Henry wrote: … then at some point in mid-June there is this guy in my village for the holidays, we knew each other since we were kids. He (I’ll call him Mark) is my age and has been working at a good level, but in a big city and far away from here.
Henry wrote: in short, we were in the street one evening, he alone, and I alone, although there was a lot of people because here, in the afternoon, in the summer, people go around back and forth. He greets me and I reply, and then starts a little conversation
Henry wrote: you know, the usual stuff, you got a job? And what do you do? But no questions about girls. Only work. We met again in the evening sometimes, walking in the country, a couple of times we had a coffee together. The conversation always very vague.
Henry wrote: After he has been in the village for 15 days he comes to greet me at home with the excuse to say goodbye to my father, who knows him from when he was little, then we exchange msn contacts and he goes, but so, just like nothing had happened.
Henry wrote: Just got home he shows up on msn and we begin to talk for hours, at the beginning the conversation was like that when he was in the village, then became more free and the idea that he wanted me to understand something that he didn’t dare to say openly began to cross my mind, and I was also pleased,
Henry wrote: of course I didn’t put myself in the open, however, my imagination started running about this guy. Then he tells me he has a dear friend, his best friend (let’s call Cindy), which is a very good girl, etc., and then I said to myself that Cindy was not only his best friend because he spoke a little too much about her but she was just his girlfriend,
Henry wrote: but if she was his girlfriend I think he would have told me, there was no reason not to tell me. He talked a lot about Cindy, then told me that she was engaged with a guy,
Henry wrote: and then I thought she was not his girlfriend just because she had a boyfriend, but that Cindy was obviously the girl he liked better and perhaps he was secretly in love with.
Henry wrote: Meanwhile the days go by, we talk about many things, but never about girls, in the sense of girlfriends, and he often tells me about Cindy as the girl that every guy would like to have beside him. Cindy was sweet, smart, knew how to keep a secret, when his presence was necessary not denied anything, etc.
Henry wrote: at one point I asked him if he was in love with Cindy and he told me: No! It’s just a friend and he strongly emphasized that it was not in love with Cindy and not because she had a boyfriend but because she didn’t attract him sexually.
Henry wrote: From there on the exploration of the emotional life began. He told me that he had never had a crush on someone, I said, neither I,
Henry wrote: then in a completely unexpected he added: “I never had a crush on a girl.” I felt very embarrassed and asked him: “What do you mean?” Then he said “maybe” one can have a crush on a married woman. But in my opinion that “maybe” placed just there sounded curious.
Henry wrote: We continued to talk late into the night, then he asked me: “Do you believe that there are really those who have a crush on a friend? That is just on a guy? ”
Henry wrote: I replied “I think such things are quite common or at least are not rare, I think there is absolutely nothing absurd.” Then he asked me: ” Have you ever thought it?” I told him, “Do not embarrass me …” He insisted: “But sometimes have you thought it?” Then I said, “Well, sometimes yes,” and he added. “Sometimes I’ve thought it too”
Henry wrote: Now the ice was broken, we got to tell each other clearly that we were gay, but always with a lot of fear of being caught, with thousands of recommendations to remove the conversation from msn etc.
Henry wrote: In the following days he tells me that he trusted only with Cindy and she knows how to keep a secret, that Cindy is his best friend and that he trusts her as a sister. He tells me what Cindy said about me and it bothers me, but he says that I do not have to worry because she is a beautiful girl and he trusts her as himself, etc.
Henry wrote: Then he said “you have to know her; you will certainly be completely at ease with her. And there, for the second time, it bothered me. I had told him of my things, the relationship with my father and my mother, nothing special, but my things, very private feelings that perhaps they had understood and that I did not want to tell them I was gay,
Henry wrote: and he tells me that he spoke about me with Cindy and that in his opinion I could be pleased to talk with Cindy, and begins to tell me that he would like to give my msn to Cindy, so we could speak with confidence. All this happened yesterday, now I do not know what to do,
Henry wrote: I do not like at all the idea that he is under the thumb of this friend of his, because I start to think that he really is. If I have a relationship with a guy I’d like to keep that relationship only between me and that guy
Henry wrote: in short, I would not want to become a topic of conversation between Mark and Cindy.
Henry wrote: Then there’s another thing I do not like at all, he is possessive, he asks me where I’m going and with whom, he looks for me in the evening and if I do not answer, he just starts telling me that he had been worrying and starts questions, where have you been? With whom? What have you done? Etc.
Henry wrote: There is one thing holding me back a lot, otherwise I would have already sent him to hell, but you know, he really exists and perhaps he thinks about us like a couple as a possible thing, he is a nice guy and this is very important and then if he ends up with me, here, can I find another gay? I think it is very difficult.
Project wrote: Well, of course the story of Cindy seems a bit strange, almost like a form of addiction.
Henry wrote: It does not appear, it is! He always puts her between, such as parsley. Cindy, in fact, encouraged him to take up with me but if she had discouraged him I do not know if he would have tried, it’s a bit as if he were a little autonomous in deciding, Cindy for him is a bit like the teddy bear for children,
Henry wrote: it is as if he needed approval. I do not know what to think because I also had some friends which I loved but my love life was only mine, I would never have dreamed of talking to them about too personal things.
Project wrote: But beyond these conversations in chat you think he might care really build a relationship with you? Because you are not in the same town.
Henry wrote: Frankly, I do not know and a little I am inclined to think that this is the first time he starts a love story or at least tries to, I do not know what to think. Project, can I ask a favor?
Project wrote: Of course! If I can.
Henry wrote: Now my parents are ranting because we have to go out together, if you like we can continue tonight, midnight is it possible?
Project wrote: Ok, ok, go quiet, we’ll continue at midnight. A hug. See you! Bye!
CHAT September 19, 2012 AT 23:55
Henry wrote: Are you there?
Project wrote: Yes, I am!
Henry wrote: Project, I gave up, I was disappointed, I told him that we can still be friends but I do not feel like going on, I told him because of the distance, but in reality it is that he did something that really I cannot stand and he also told me it. He is not a trickster but he is dangerous, because you cannot trust him
Project wrote: Ok, but what happened?
Henry wrote: He calls tonight at ten, all peaceful, which is not usual from him, and tells me I’m really a nice guy, etc. and so disorients me a bit, he tells me he has spoken so much about me with Cindy and she thinks very highly of me!
Henry wrote: I told him that she still does not know me and he says that he usually gives Cindy the logs of our conversations, just at that moment was as the alarm had sounded, I tried to make him understand that I care my privacy and that even indirectly he had bothered me
Henry wrote: but he said that I should not be afraid of Cindy, which for him is more than a sister, and so on. For him to think that I could be annoyed that he always puts Cindy in the middle was just impossible. For Cindy he said he had no secrets because she is an exceptional person, etc.
Project wrote: Well, but are you sure that this guy has all the wheels in place? Because this story does not bode well at all
Henry wrote: Well, when he was here I thought he was a normal guy, beyond the story of Cindy he never behaved in a strange manner, and he works and where he works it’s not that easy to forgive the oddities.
Project wrote: But then he realized? That is when you started to move away, did he realize why?
Henry wrote: No, I do not think so, I put things only about distance and he insisted that he could come to me at least every 15 days, or tried to tell me that the distance was not a big deal but I think for him it’s impossible to think that Cindy, or rather its dependence on Cindy, may be the cause
Henry wrote: of my will to cut the rope. He also said that sometimes he goes out with Cindy and they go to the place where he works and said that when Cindy goes with him she dresses elegant. But he nevertheless insisted that between him and Cindy there was nothing.
Project wrote: So much for nothing! Maybe they don’t go to bed together … so I thing you were right to cut the rope.
Henry wrote: Project, however, it’s not that he is out of his mind, in his environment and as well here in the village people consider him a lot, he studied and graduated successfully and earns a lot of money
Project wrote: Yes, yes, but no one will take away from my head that there is something that does not work well, sorry, with all due respect for this guy but in the end what did you do? You cut the rope because you think there is something that sounds strange
Henry wrote: Well, in fact, in the story with my now ex-boyfriend, I do not want Cindy in the middle, whoever she is, that is, to me, I don’t like such things.
Project wrote: Have you doubts?
Henry wrote: What about?
Project wrote: The choice to cut the rope?
Henry wrote: No! At this point no doubts at all! If he was as handsome as Apollo as well … so I talk about intimate things with a guy who wants to be my boyfriend and what does he do? He makes Cindy reading! No! For heaven’s sake, I do not want to be under the tutelage of none!
Project wrote: I fully understand and agree with you; at least you have escaped the danger!
Henry wrote: I think so … Project, do you mind if I go to sleep? It all happened today…
Project wrote: Go, Go, Go! Good night, and especially be serene! You only averted possible troubles and maybe even big ones.
Henry wrote: Oh I know, but I still have a bitter taste, because a little I had believed…
Project wrote: One thing, you say that I can post the log of our chat? I think it could be important for several young guys.
Henry wrote: If you want to post it I agree, however, look first if there are too explicit elements. Night Project!
Project wrote: Good night!
If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=8