MISUNDERSTANDINGS AMONG GAY GUYS AND CHRISTIAN PARENTS

Hello Project,

I read so many of those things you’ve posted that sending you an e-mail seems natural to me as writing an email to a friend, and maybe even more.

I am a 22 y. o. guy, who grew up in a very religious environment but religious in a very special way, I want to say that my parent apparently have never been prudish, they are believers, as they say themselves, but at the same time have a very specific vision of religion. I always went to church but mostly I attended the environments of the Catholic more active laity and I think even the most advanced. Since I was 14 I went with my parents to lend a hand to organize soup kitchens and services for people in need, both my parents are still volunteering and they do seriously, in the sense that they spend at least two afternoons a week and often more. I, in the past, always thought  that my parents were people as they should be, with them I always had a great relationship, however, in spite of everything, since I did come out with them, about six months ago, things are a little changed. They accepted the fact that I was gay, in the sense that have never created obstacles and I have not been asked too many questions, however, even if they have not done anything to prove it, nevertheless, I realized that something had changed for them. First, every now and then, it happened that there was talk also about sex, but now no longer the case. On TV they follow more or less always the same channels, except when there are programs that touch issues related to sexuality, when it comes to sex they change channel but they do unobtrusively, as if by chance, but it happens systematically. Once, I used to see sometimes mom and dad around the house not completely dressed, mom in his underwear and dad in his slip, but now no longer the case. I believe that they feel embarrassed and do not know what to do. Once they insisted to take me with them when they were volunteering, now they do not even ask me to go with them and then I’m not going to volunteer more. And then there is the Mass, in fact I have been jumping the mass for quite a long time, but they, once, tried to insist, now no longer do so. Once, every now and then, they invited house some of the priests of the parish or voluntary but now no longer do so. For everything else, they have been, even recently, parents formally perfect, they left me free to do what I wanted, they never interfered but the few times I tried to resume the subject of homosexuality, I noticed that they tended to escape and change the subject. Last Sunday I accompanied them to Mass on my own, the priest, incidentally, has just spoken about homosexuality and said some things that were so absurd that I have been there just to see how far it would come. The priest could have been more or less 40, and left me with a look absolutely thrilled because of the things he said in a mild subtle violence hidden by a kind of false pity for gays. Apart from the fact that he said things objectively false, his way of taking everything for granted amazed me. We were at church and I had to pretend nothing happened, my parents went to confession because they do it every Sunday, then they took communion and we left the church to come back home. I would have expected at least a comment on what the priest had said, but there was no comment, they pretended absolutely nothing had happened, as if they had not heard the priest at all. After a few minutes of chatting of misdirection I decided to ask if they had heard what the priest had said, and my father told me in a way I had not expected: “The church must defend the great values! You cannot think that puts equate marriage and the things you think about”, then entered the discourse as well mom with a speech even more absurd: “We do not want to hinder you because it would be counterproductive but it’s you that should realize that your path is not the right ore.” I did not want to continue the conversation, I made a gesture of greeting, and quickly went home, I took my things, at least the basic ones, and I went away. I have been three days by a friend of mine who hosted me. My parents didn’t even call me on the phone, because they knew that sooner or later I had to get back home perforce because I don’t work, I have no money and cannot live at home with friends. You can imagine how I was in a mood when I returned home. Now I do not know what to do, the assumptions are two:

1) Dealing with my parents giving them a surly look, at the cost of coming to blows, because I think we would arrive there, at least on my part

2) Pretend that nothing happened and go back to the nice guy that plays a part because he can be economically independent

I thought about looking for a job, but to quit school seems something crazy and risky that after I would pay badly. Now I have to get to a solution quickly. Personally, I am inclined to the first hypothesis, though I think it could be destructive. But how is it possible for two adults persons, educated, socially engaged, to be quite unable to think with their brains? I now do not go to church for a long time and I do not miss. I am a Christian? Yes! I think that the message of Christ was deeply upset. Frankly, I have no faith in the sense that the church says, that is, I see things that religion teaches me like mythical interpretations and I think that the essence of Christianity is love your neighbor, in this sense I feel certainly Christian. If once I had any doubts about whether to try to remain in the church, now I don’t have those doubts anymore, I don’t want to end up like my parents, who more than anger I feel sorry for.

_______

If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=7

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s