Yes, you can record it, all right, but before starting with the story let me explain a little what it is, otherwise it may seem strange and I can make a fool of myself and I don’t like it.
If I had to define it I would call it the story of my awakening … now don’t tell me that I am doing it long but I have to start from the beginning, otherwise they don’t understand anything.
I am 30 years old and there is something that has always conditioned me very heavily and made me lose, in my opinion, the most beautiful emotions that a guy can experience … I know that you have not yet understood a damn thing, but I’m approaching.
In short, my sex education was 100% on porn movies, on porn sites (even for a fee and I threw there a lot of money!) Let’s say that I have done these things since I was 15/16 years old. One moment! It is not the thing in itself that I don’t like, after all so many people do it … but for me, in a sense … the reality was exactly that. I mean I had never seen a true gay guy, but not only at 15/16 but not even at 20, I didn’t even enter the chat rooms, the temptation was very strong but I never went there.
In the last years I had filled whole hard discs of porn movies, I had learned them by heart. You can say: But why do you come to tell us such things? … they’re your problems … One moment! … If you have gay friends you cannot understand my story, because you can have a direct feedback, that is you know what is a gay guy … but I didn’t know it and slowly, from all that seeing gay movies I made up my mind that a gay guy was more or less a porn actor and masturbating everyday thinking of it I convinced myself that gay life was that and when I was thinking of a guy, that is, I was doing my erotic fantasies, I imagined it just like in a movie … That’s what I meant … those models had become models of my erotic fantasy … Take me for crazy or for the idiot of the village but for me it was just like that and I actually met the first gay guy in the flesh at 23 … well I knew he was gay and he didn’t know about me and I had the idea to try it as in a scene I had seen in a porn movie.
I’m a pretty good guy, everyone says it to me, that is, girls run after me even now, so you can imagine … well. It was summer, he was part of my group, we were in a bathing suit and the two of us in a place a bit secluded, he was sunbathing with his eyes closed … in short, I was badly tempted to try just like in the porn and I thought that things would go just like in the movie … then I didn’t have the courage and just approached slowly and I tried to kiss him … He turned against me with a string of bad words that you can’t even imagine, so I told him: “I know you’re gay and I’m gay too.” He replied with a very loud “Go fuck yourself!” I didn’t get scared and tried to put him on the wall by force, a bit as in the film, but he gave me a kick in the balls that if I think back of it, I could also have lost them. I went away and told him … “But you’re not gay … gays don’t do that!” … and I had to run away, but there were somethings I could not understand. A gay like that is better to lose him than to find. Then, over time, I acted less like a fool … but not so much, I actually kept thinking that maybe the first approach had to be a bit on the vague, but I thought that once the guy had agreed to come to bed with me, which by the way I took for granted while it was not at all like that, at least in bed it would have been all like in porn movies.
With two guys the approach succeeded. The first, in my opinion, would have well agreed it … in short, he comes to my house, I had prepared everything, from the dinner in the room to the bedroom, he eats a little, doesn’t want to drink, sits in an armchair to watch television, I take him by one arm and say: “Come on … go …” he looks at me and says, “Where?” I tell him: “Come on, come to bed …” He looks at me with a surprised face and says: “What?” I showed him the muscles but he looked at me laughing and saying: “What the hell do you want?” I ask the critical question: “Active or Passive?” He looks at me and says, “Have you ever been with a guy?” I say to him: “No!” and he says to me: “I see!” I did nothing of what I wanted to do but he told me a few things about his experiences … and he was a guy who had a lot of experience. It seemed strange to me, then I told him “Boh! … Now I have the ideas much more confused than before.”
With the other guy we started at least a little sex because I had learned something of the lesson, but he looked at me in amazement. I said. “Oh well, let’s go to the concrete! …” and I told him what I wanted to do and he immediately told me: “No!” I say to him: “Why? You are gay and you say no? … My beautiful! But we are already in bed together and if I want I break you (and he was also a thin slender)”. In short, I threatened him to make him do what I wanted. He got up, got dressed and left me like that, like a total imbecile! …
Laughing and joking, I went on a little more with such stories and then I thought I would try paid sex. There were no stories there but they raised the price and I didn’t like it at all, they were not even looking at me … And so I came to 27 years … then I met Max, he was four years younger than me … I tried with him the usual technique but he told me: “Come on! Try not to arouse compassion! So you’re ridiculous! I see that you’re alone … ” So my detox began … now he’s helping me to grow, he pampers me a bit and I’m good, and it’s a beautiful thing, beautiful, mutual tenderness, mutual listening … are very beautiful things now I understand it but to detoxify I took more than ten years. If you want to know how the other gay guys really are, don’t watch porn movies, those things have nothing to do with it and I only understood it at the age of 30! That’s all … Come on, if you want you can turn it off.
If you want, you can participate in the discussion of this post open on the Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-guys-and-sexual-maleducation