GAY LOVE IF THERE IS SOMETHING BETTER

Oh! Well…. I know you’re disappointed and I’m sorry … but what can I tell you? So, open-hearted I tell you that I expected it … but sorry, ok, not with me, ok, you have a thousand reasons, you didn’t say brutally what is the reason, but I know it very well … not with me because “there is something better.”

After our story is over how many other guys did you meet? Six, seven, I don’t know, I lost the bill. Every time you left one of them the speech was always that: “there is something better …” I think that due to this reasoning you will make such a collection of frustrations that you will eventually have to recognize that you have thrown away some golden occasions. I’m not saying with me, maybe it would not have worked, but with some of those guys you could have built a serious story.

Fabio was really in love with you and he was a wonderful guy, if he fell in love with me I would have felt the richest man in the world, but he was in love with you and you didn’t want him because you said there was something better and you made him feel bad like a dog and then he came to me to lick his wounds.

And not only that, you fooled him, you made him believe you would spend your life with him. I still remember that time, we went out together, you cuddled him so tenderly, you kissed him so tenderly, you were hugged with him all evening and I said to myself: “Poor Fabio! He believes it … ” and punctually, after a month, the crush for Fabio was over and you started again to search for other guys and you didn’t even tell him … I, maybe I’m stupid … but I cannot understand.

It’s like you were taken by a kind of irrepressible craving, for you sex is a drug, you use it just like drugs, you’re addicted. You court a guy like just a lover would do, then he surrenders to you and then you say he has no character, cannot assert himself, you pull out reasons of all sorts … you even go so far as to say he’s not good at making love and then at the end of the speech comes the usual phrase: “there is something better!” … and the game starts again … you make victims and destroy the lives of these guys, who will never forgive themselves for listening to you, you don’t even notice it because you think only of yourself … you don’t even know the damage you do … but eventually the years pass and you throw them away like that.

You are not looking for love you are looking for the “perfect guy” you are looking for things that don’t exist and throw away the real guys that I don’t say are better than you but are definitely at your level … You once did a crazy speech that irritated me a lot: you said you wanted the hands of one, the eyes of another, the smile of a third and the way of making sex of another. But who put these stupid things in your head? But do you realize that you are almost 30 years old and you know absolutely nothing about what love is? You have made a collection of guys, you know, just like the English lords who hang in the hall the hunting trophies, you still see things like that … you still, at 30, go looking for the perfect guy!

You could say to me: “why are you telling me such things?” … well … we’re friends isn’t it? In fact I think I’m one of the few friends that you still have, the others have abandoned you … you are convinced that you have given them up but in reality they are the ones who gave you up… in a minor tone, but you have applied the story of “there is something better” also to friends … you’ve tried to apply it even to me … and it’s me that I didn’t want to give up you despite everything. I kept telling you what I really think, that you are going to a total dissipation of yourself, you’re throwing yourself away in a lot of stupid things, and going at thirty still in search of fantasies …

I think you’re still conditioned by the myth … right by the myth of the ideal guy … at 30 you would like a sweet, good guy, affectionate, totally without experience because you think you can educate him, but you don’t even say to educate, you say to wean … You? And what could you teach a clean guy? Could you teach him how to pretend to be in love … or how desperate you feel when you pretend to continue playing but you realize the castle is collapsing on you? I don’t know what you can foresee for your future because you in effect always seek this blessed ideal guy.

And then if even this ideal guy existed, do you think he would fall in love with you? So you’re the ideal guy! … Of course, it’s obvious … look in the mirror … in fact you’re a handsome guy but not so young, you carry with you a lot of manias and frenzies that a psychoanalyst could work a life about, when you start with your bla bla you don’t stop anymore … you always say the same things, do you think you are charming? But you are not and you don’t even realize it.

Did you leave Matthew? You are convinced, but it is not so and you know how things really are? Matthew left you … it‘s he who has left you and you know why … it’s he who told me: he left you “because there is something better …”. You don’t believe it? How is it possible that there is something better than you? … Yet Matthew was perfectly convinced … and do you know who taught him this philosophy? You taught it to him! Matthew would not have done a reasoning like this before … I knew him well before, he, before, was looking for a real guy … but after he met you he started to look for the ideal guy too.

Now I told you what I had to tell you … wake up until you’re in time … don’t run after butterflies. If one at 30 has not yet understood what it means to love he must try to understand it quickly because Matthew who has left you because “there is something better …” is likely not to be an exception but the first of a long series of guys that will abandon you and then you’ll understand … but then it will not make any sense. I tell you these things because I think they are true … don’t worry, I’m not trying to get together with you again … I know that “there is something better! “… but at least as a friend you can still go well.

__________

If you want, you can participate in the discussion of this post open on the Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-love-if-there-is-something-better

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