This post comes from my heart and represents a very serious reflection even if, for those who have prejudices, that is for those who believe they know and doesn’t really know, what I am about to say could sound very strange.
Gay family … ok! Built on the model of the hetero family: a stable couple with the perspective of hypothetical children, etc. etc., yes, everything seems ok … maybe it could also be all right in another world, in another social climate, with another level of civilization and awareness. In reality, at least as long as the situation doesn’t radically change at the social level the hypotheses of a gay family consisting of a stable couple and hypothetical children is an idea that serves only as a symbol of an open road to the future.
But what should be the underlying spring that holds a gay family like that together? Sex … yes when you are young it could also seem a sufficient motivation, couple’s affectivity, mutual love and support in difficult situations? Of course this could be a good cement to keep the couple together, but then there is the problem of the children … in test tubes, with mothers for rent they would still be biological children of only one of the couple’s components. But I wonder, wouldn’t it make more sense to think that a gay family should not be based on any preconceived model?
Well, I have an alternative model absolutely original of gay family. For me, the gay family should be a group of solidarity and should be built on the emotional experience of loving each other. Do you want to know what my gay family model is? My model is the group of guys that has set up around Gay Project.
Tell me whatever you want but I think it’s really a family. We love each other, we support each other, we are friends, we talk freely, we feel accepted and sometimes I would say pampered in a typically family affective dimension. Days ago I criticized the posts of Loki and Fabiomatteo who came out a bit from the limits in which this blog must be maintained. Well I had the fear that this fact could undermine my relationship with these guys, then I talked to Fabiomatteo and I explained my point of view and nothing has gone wrong, indeed we talked in a very serious way and we said goodbye in an authentically affectionate way, with a very heartfelt “I love you!” that was not a courtesy formula at all. Then I spoke with Loki and no problem has been posed. The relationships that I have with these guys cannot go into a crisis because of banalities, the reason is only one, because we love each other and we esteem each other on a human level in a profound way, for me they are part of my family.
I mention only them but the discourse involves all the guys in a varied way. With someone, very special habits of trust and mutual attention have been created spontaneously , we share our concerns, we commit ourselves to the same goals, we are in the same situations. I receive messages of a seriousness and depth that I have never seen in any other situation. When I have doubts, what happens to me almost every day, I find an authentic listening, an advice, a comparison. I don’t feel alone, I feel that some bonds have been created and that I’m happy with these bonds.
You can tell me that this is not a family because without a couple there is no family but in my opinion it is not true. When I go to work, often in the breaks I think about the guys I know and I feel them present, I know that they are not my fantasy, that they are real guys … and guys of very height level! Sometimes I feel bad for someone. Sometimes, if I know that there is someone who is not well, I don’t sleep the whole night, if in a situation like this I cannot get in touch with them, I experience a kind of anguish… but when the contact is re-established and I can get news I feel like I was in paradise and I experience an extraordinary sense of happiness.
And what enchants me is that among us there is a deep mutual respect and an extraordinary solidarity despite the sometimes not small differences of point of view. The idea of feeling like a group, of feeling like a family is amazing. A few days ago some guys from Gay Project met and we spent a day together. One said: “It’s incredible the feeling that we’ve always known each other!” Basically meeting in chat and talking for hours has made us a group, a group of friends who love each other … but I would like to use a another word: has made us a family, a family without ties of kinship, a family linked only by emotional ties but a real family in which solidarity and loving each other are the only necessary things …
When I come home from work and I switch on the computer and I find a lot of calls in chat and I see so many messages and comments on the forums … I wonder: what would I be if I didn’t have this family that created itself? I would be a small little man, with no purpose in life, one who shouldn’t worry about anything but himself … but now I feel like a lion and when I realize that even the mistakes I make (and I make a lot of mistakes!) don’t are actually destructive because at the bottom of this gay family there is a true emotional bond that doesn’t even collapse in front of my stupidity or my naivety, when I realize that I’m not alone and where I don’t arrive others can arrive, when I realize that these others can do things a hundred times better than I can do and they actually do them … well … then I really feel like a family around, a family that doesn’t judge my mistakes but that understands and loves me, that supports me and comforts me, makes me feel a real affection beyond all possible imagination! Guys! I love you! I dedicate this post to one of us for whom I spent last night without closing a blind eye. I don’t know if he will read this message but I would like to tell him that I love him and that I’m close to him.
If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-extended-gay-family