Hello Project, I jump the pleasantries, if I write you it means that for me you are ok. I’m 24 years old, I cannot say if I’m single or multiple. I mean I don’t have a boyfriend, or rather I don’t have a boyfriend in the traditional sense of the term, but I have more than one. I don’t go looking for chat of meetings or similar things, my boyfriends, if I can call them so, are guys I met in real life, for me it’s not just a sexual interest, I love these guys (I would say that they are currently three, or maybe four) and I am convinced that they would do anything for me just as I would do for them.
I read the email you posted on ex-boyfriends that is “Beyond the gay couple”, but for me it is different, there are no ex-boyfriends, I may not have seen one of my boys for a long time, even months, but finally when we see each other we can also have a bit of sex. Sex for me is very important but also because it gives me a little certainty that the guy doesn’t say no, doesn’t refuse me, I think the point is this. If I like a guy, he attracts me because he is a good and nice guy, then, when I fall in love with him, I want him to have sex with me, it becomes a kind of fixed idea for me, I court him with the utmost commitment, that is, I make it clear in every way that I’m in love with him, but if he refuses me, I keep him at a distance definitively.
I want guys who want me even from that (sex) point of view, then, when it happened, the frenzy goes away and let’s say that that guy remains as a real interest for me, sex and affection together, I know that I can trust him, in a sense I don’t even care if he’s faithful because I probably wouldn’t be faithful to him, but I have to know I can trust him. With the guys I always make a clear speech, I don’t look for close bonds, I don’t like such things, with someone a similar speech is possible, with some other really not and it all ends immediately, unless they pretend to be able to change things.
I don’t consider myself a stray of sex in the sense that I don’t go with the first one I meet, I have to love a guy to think about sex with him, somehow I’m polygamist, in the sense that I have more guys at the same time, but they are always and only the same, maybe over time someone will go away and I will know some new guy, but my boys are few.
I like serious guys but not moralists, I don’t like those who preach all the time because they want to manage you as if you were a thing. Then, of course, it happens that I, for some periods, have a quasi-boyfriend, that is a guy who in practice attracts me very strongly on a sexual level and not only and at that time I think only of him. But it doesn’t happen that it becomes a definitive and exclusive thing. My boys know that I’m like that and I think that at the beginning they suffer a lot because they think that the fact that I dedicate myself to another guy means that I forget them but it is not so and when they understand it they are perplexed and then amazed in the positive sense.
That is, if just to say, I belonged to one guy only I would feel forced, I would feel it as something not spontaneous, and then who says that you cannot really love three or four guys but that it should be only one? The general rules don’t make much sense. If for someone it works so good for him, it does not work for me like that. Some friends, not “my boys”, tell me that going on like this will leave me nothing because I will never have an emotional stability, but I feel good this way. I tried several times to have only one boyfriend but eventually it became a routine, an obligation, while I want things to be spontaneous. I’m not a person who comes crazy for sex, I like it and a lot, but I don’t have to be in bed with someone every night, in fact sometimes I spend very long periods without sex and then sometimes the imagination is enough and I can do it myself. One thing to remark: I’m very careful, on a maniacal level, about prevention but now my boys know it.
Project, I don’t feel strange for my way of living sex, it’s the others (not my boys) who do everything to make it seem strange. My boys, for me, are not just friends and not even friends with whom you can also have sex, for me they are really important. Losing one of them would make me feel bad, but, saying “loosing”, I don’t mean “loosing” him in the sense that he has found another boy but in the sense that he does not think about me anymore, that he doesn’t look for me anymore and also that he refuses me when maybe I can think of having a bit of sex with him. I would still like to continue to believe that he is there and that there will be anyway, no matter whether he has or doesn’t have a boyfriend. I know it sounds strange, it sounds strange to me when I read it, however, in fact it is so. I think that gay polygamy, like mine, exists and that it is not such a rare thing. It took me a long time to understand that this works for me but in the end my spontaneity is just that. What do you think, Project?
If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-polygamy