REFLECTIONS ON UNPROTECTED GAY SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

“I state that this topic has no moral aims, but is only the result of some reflections. I repeat, avoiding unnecessary discourse on the morality of those who practice sexual intercourse with strangers, I would like to draw attention to the fact that many times the need to have unprotected sex is a bit like playing Russian roulette with one’s own health.

Reflecting on this topic, it occurred to me that, not only through the chats, you can have meetings with perfect strangers, but also in special rooms. I bring you an extreme case, the dark rooms, for those who don’t know what they are, I refer you to the definition that there is on Wikipedia.(1) What I ask is: “How is it possible to have sex with a perfect stranger whose face you cannot even see?” Or rather: “How do you trust yourself to have sex with a perfect stranger whose face you cannot even see?”

Apart from the fact that I think that people in these places hardly bring a condom, anyway … I’m honest … but I cannot understand these things … and I sincerely find all this at the limit of madness … the thing that leaves me speechless is that even the stones know that by not using protections the risk of ruining one’s own health is high, nevertheless many times people use more what they have between their legs that what is located much higher … The question I ask myself, and ask you too is: “Why people don’t use protections when they have sex with perfect strangers?”

I found some answers on the net, reading an article, dated 2009,(2) I quote some excerpts that really make my arms fall. “They say that using them is difficult, complicated, not very sexy. They explain that love should be grasped, taken where and when it arrives, if we can “protect ourselves” it’s better, otherwise patience, we will try to be careful.” … “three young people out of four don’t use any protection during sexual intercourse, because “the partner is against” (22%), or because “they don’t have them at hand”. Some things make us reflect on how we are arranged in Italy. “For almost a decade now, campaigns on contraception have disappeared from the media and the priorities of the Ministry of Health. Guys who today have between the thirteen and seventeen years didn’t live the years of the emergency linked to HIV, from which sprung seasons of widespread information on safe sexuality, with a consequent spread of condom use.”

The problem is that these answers are not enough for me, because I cannot conceive how it’s possible to have so little consideration of oneself, because if you decide to take your health so little seriously, it means that you believe your life is worth less than zero … Reflecting on these things, it occurred to me that perhaps having an intercourse without a condom is a “distorted form” of self-harm. Self-harm(3): “is an act that involves the procuring, consciously or not, damage to one’s own person, both physically and in the abstract sense.” Having intercourse without protection with strangers can cause harm to you, in “physical sense” because there is the risk of taking diseases.

After these searches on the net I feel emptied, despite the article I read, I cannot find a logic behind this type of behavior. But there is a logic behind? It seems absurd to me that one can be indifferent to one’s own health and that of others, because if you have an illness and if your casual partner has no protection there is a risk of infecting him too.
Isabella”

Project answers:

“Well, understanding why it is not easy and there are many reasons for it, and they are very intertwined with each other. We must bear in mind that sexuality exists and that its importance is constantly stressed. The problem lies in how sexuality can be experienced. For someone it is possible to live sexuality in the context of an important emotional relationship, or at least in the context of a relationship characterized by mutual respect, it is clear that sexuality in these situations doesn’t create problems because it integrates deeply into the life of one person, which demystifies it and makes it a mode of emotional exchange.

Unfortunately there are situations in which sexuality doesn’t really have a way of integrating into a person’s life and then takes on the characteristics of the necessarily invisible, underground activity and in these cases it often happens that we turn to unknown people only for a sexual contact that seems being a liberation with respect to the compression of sexuality to which we are subjected.

Sexuality perceived as separate from the complex of the person must find a way to be realized with modalities completely separate from those of ordinary life. It must be kept in mind that the impossibility of living one’s own sexuality for what it is creates deep suffering and pushes to solve the problem even in dangerous ways. I try to explain myself with an example. A guy coming from the middle-class family of the late nineteenth century had to bow to a combined marriage, in which the sexual component was considered little more than a duty. It is obvious that in such situations, despite the risk of syphilis, that guy tried to have sex with a prostitute. But let’s get to gays.

Before the Internet age, a gay man, in order to live even at the minimum level a form of couple sexuality, had in practice only one choice, that is to frequent the places of male prostitution with all the risks connected to sexually transmitted diseases. Today there is the Internet and this means that male prostitution in the traditional sense tends to decrease, because, to have sex without commitment there are the dating sites that have at least the advantage of safeguarding the public image of people, clearly, even meeting people just known on the net there is the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

For some people, I talk about those who have uncommon sexual preferences, finding a real fulfillment is difficult even in dating sites and for this reason the propensity to accept a higher risk tends to increase. I could say that in general the more difficult it is for a person to find a way to live his sexuality, the higher is the dose of risk that that person is willing to accept. You are willing to accept high risks to achieve forms of sexual fulfillment that it is almost impossible to get without taking those risks.

It should be considered that sexuality experienced in this way is associated with low levels of self-esteem, element, this, correlated with the idea that it makes no sense to invest in your future and that you have to play everything for everything like when you play roulette.

Beyond these sociological and psychological motivations that can weaken the instinct of conservation, it remains however the fundamental reason for the dangerous behaviors, that is the ignorance or the underestimation of the risk. We are not even accustomed to food hygiene and we often abuse food because we don’t realize the damage we produce to our body and, even more so in sexuality, given the complete absence of a sexual education, we expose ourselves to risks because we are not informed and we don’t realize the dangers of our behavior. People very often discuss sexuality and morality, but it would be essential, before discussing such things, to seriously inquire about the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases.

Sex education not only helps you live better but can literally save your life. Health is too great a good thing to expose it to useless risks. A condom can be worth life!”

Riverdog answers:

“Hello Isabella, I wanted to reflect on your post … First of all, I think the topic is very important, so thank you for having dealt with this topic … but, in my opinion, there is a basic concept that should be clarified. I find the title more than suitable: “UNPROTECTED sexual intercourse” … unexceptionable I would say! Only that during the post, you “mix” this topic with another: “sexual intercourse with UNKNOWN people” … in short words it can be inferred that the risk of playing Russian roulette, comes from the combination of these two elements: 1) having unprotected sex; 2) have sex with a stranger. I don’t doubt that this represents the possible most risky combination among those obtainable, be clear. But the underlying message that can be drawn from it is that if I “know” the guy, the threshold of perception of danger can change and one can lower the guard, translated: one can lightly assume risky behaviors. I think that the protections should always be used, regardless of the knowledge of the partner, because that person can so far have had a sober sex life, but you never know … maybe he had a single intercourse, but with a partner that occasionally allowed himself some escapades …

or who perhaps become infected through behaviors not related to sexuality and maybe not even aware of his condition (fortunately nowadays a rare thing, but years ago …). What I want to be clear on is that no one is 100% sure. But this doesn’t mean that you have to get caught up in the paranoia, otherwise, hell, you don’t live anymore.

The use of condoms is of vital importance if you have intercourse with strangers, but it is good to use it also with well-known people. At least until a relationship blooms, and at that point we can resort to some analysis and then can be quiet (… hoping that the partner is a person with a bit of brain, but having behaved in that way previously makes me hope that then he avoids risky behaviors with other guys … at least for the protection of the usual partner …).

Actually, if the person is well known, and inspires you some security, in certain situations a little more elastic behavior can be allowed … but I avoid publicizing behaviors not 100% safe. Although 100% security doesn’t exist, and even the degree of fatalism of the individual affects his behavior. That said, in my opinion, you have to do things right, with rationality and information … at that point the fears must be put aside, otherwise you live badly … you can die even going to see your dad that crosses the finish line to a marathon, and in millions of other ways, also because this world is full of unbalanced persons … blessed the one who at least trusts in the afterlife …”

_______

(1) http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_room

(2) http://ricerca.repubblica.it/repubblica/archivio/repubblica/2009/10/06/niente-condom-siamo-teenager-tre-su-quattro.html

(3) Wikipedia, http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/autolesionismo

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If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-reflections-on-unprotected-gay-sexual-intercourse

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