I am pleased to inform you that today, 30 June 2019, I have completed the revision of the “BEING GAY” volume THE LIFE OF GAYS THROUGH THE ANALYSIS OF REAL EXPERIENCES, of the Gay Project Library. The book can be downloaded in full at no cost and in a completely anonymous form by clicking on the link:

BEING GAY by Gay Project

For convenience I add the complete index of the work.
I will begin today working to put the .epub edition on the web as soon as possible.
I sincerely thank anyone who wants to report errors, propose improvements or provide advice.
If you like, you can contact me at:

[Image: gayproject_mail.jpg.1347313114407.jpg]
______________________

BEING GAY
GENERAL INDEX 

About this book 
1 UNDERSTANDING TO BE GAY 
1.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
1.1.1 The discovery of masturbation
1.1.2 Gay discomfort 
1.1.3 Gay falling in love and frustration
1.1.4 Sexual imprinting 
1.1.5 Religious education and homosexuality 
1.1.6 Pornography and educational pressure
1.1.7 Masturbation and sexual orientation
1.1.8 False sexual orientation indicators 
1.1.9 Awareness, mechanisms of removal and underestimation  
1.1.10 Acceptance difficulties 
1.2 DOCUMENTS 
1.2.1 How I understood I was gay
1.2.2 I realized I was gay at 26
1.2.3 Feeling gay and reborn
1.2.4 Gay only when I masturbate
1.2.5 A difficult path to acceptance of my being gay
1.2.6 Affection for a girl and love for a gay guy
1.2.7 How to understand that you are not gay
1.2.8 Fear of being gay
1.2.9 Being aware of being gay in love and rediscovering sexuality
1.2.10 Sublimated hetero love and gay masturbation
1.2.11 I discovered I was gay at the age of
65 1.2.12 Heterosexual experiences of a gay guy
1.2.13 From pretended straight to gay at age of 30
1.2.14 A gay guy in love
1.2.15 Gay games of straight guys
1.2.16 Anti-gay therapy
 
2 BISEXUALITY
2.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
2.1.1 Dichotomy between affectivity and sexuality
2.1.2 Hetero-curious men and sexuality of escape
2.1.3 Bisexuality and masturbation
2.1.4 False bisexuality in the obsessive compulsive disorder
2.1.5 Degree of gay propensity of bisexuals
2.1.6 Bisexuality as a transitory category
2.1.7 How many are bisexuals? 
2.1.8 Polarization of bisexuality
2.1.9 Bisexuality and problems arising from exclusivity
2.1.10 Devaluation of bisexuality by partners
2.1.11 Problems of the heterosexual modeling of bisexual sexuality 
2.1.12 Periodic bisexuality
2.2 DOCUMENTS
2.2.1 Maybe I’m gay but I love my former girlfriend
2.2.2 Periodic bisexuality?
2.2.3 Exchange of emails with a hetero-curious
2.2.4 Exchange of emails with a bisexual almost gay
2.2.5 A married bisexual
2.2.6 Bisexuality in an online interview
2.2.7 From hetero to bisexual to gay
2.2.8 A 36 years old guy between gay and bisexual
2.2.9 A gay between a straight and a bisexual
2.2.10 Bisexuality without trauma
2.2.11 Bisexuality, prejudices and ostracism
 
3 COMING OUT
3.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
3.1.1 Homophobia and conformism reaction
3.1.2 Familial homophobia and defense strategies
3.1.3 Coming out and outing
3.1.4 Declared and undeclared
3.1.5 Coming out with parents
3.1.6 Unintentional coming out
3.1.7 Privacy violations and forced coming out
3.1.8 Coverage relationships and defensive coming out
3.1.9 Coming out to a guy with whom one is in love
3.2 DOCUMENTS
3.2.1 Gay guys and girls as red cross nurses
3.2.2 Coming out and physical attraction
3.2.3 Gay guys and family traps
3.2.4 Coming out as a dangerous temptation
3.2.5 A coming out ended badly
3.2.6 History of a double coming out
3.2.7 From openly gay to hidden gay
3.2.8 Coming out at school – School diary 1976-77
3.2.9 Coming out in chat
3.2.10 Gay love and coming out
3.2.11 My father gay
3.2.12 Openly gays and their relatives
 
4 GAY BOYS AND PARENTS
4.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
4.1.1 Family conflicts related to homosexuality
4.1.2 Religious conditioning
4.1.3 Dialogue between parents and sons
4.1.4 Parents and role of support
4.1.5 Parents and sex education of gay boys
4.1.6 Medicalization of homosexuality
4.1.7 Privacy of gay sons and parental intrusions 
4.1.8 Affective education of gays and family homophobia
4.1.9 Parental victimhood
4.1.10 Parental attitudes about masturbation
4.1.11 Mother’s approach to gay son’s sexuality
4.1.12 Parents and sexual anxiety of the son
4.1.13 ”Helping” a gay son
4.1.14 Relationships of gay boys with the psychologist
4.1.15 Undue interferences in the lives of gay sons
4.1.16 False acceptance
4.1.17 Education for prevention
4.1.18 Gay boys and family violence
4.1.19 Relations between parents and gay sons
4.2 DOCUMENTS
4.2.1 That thin rubber wall
4.2.2 Father policeman and gay son
4.2.3 I have a gay son who does not even talk to me
4.2.4 Gay son and absent father
4.2.5 If I had a gay son
 4.2.6 Anguish of the father of a gay son
4.2.7 A gay guy harassed by his parents
4.2.8 Gay guys between rejection and dialogue
 
5 REASONING WITHOUT PANIC
5.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
5.1.1 Panic and rationality
5.1.2 Objective data
5.1.3 Gays and myth of the charming prince
5.1.4 Autonomy and economic independence
5.1.5 Equilibrium between affectivity and practical life
5.1.6 Discouragement and commitment
5.1.7 Gay loneliness and gay friendships
5.1.8 Gays and possible happiness
5.1.9 Correcting one’s mistakes
5.1.10 Reversible habits and choices
5.1.11 Usefulness of moral discomfort
5.2 DOCUMENTS
5.2.1 Ok, I’m gay but I do not know what to do
5.2.2 Reflections of a gay over 30 
 
6 GAYS AND FRUSTRATION
6.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
6.1.1 Frustration-inadequacy and frustration-rejection
6.1.2 Unachievable purposes
6.1.3 Frustrations in relationships between two gays 
6.1.4 Projective mechanisms and socialization
6.1.5 Virtual relationships between gays
6.1.6 Texts not sexually connoted
6.1.7 Online chats and projective mechanisms
6.1.8 The drift of the love language 
6.1.9 Friendships in chat
6.1.10 The value of experience
6.1.11 Affective frustrations and other frustrations
6.1.12 Coexisting with frustrations
6.1.13 Aggressive frustration and passive frustration 
6.1.14 Different types of gay frustrations 
6.1.15 Frustration before and after the arrival of the Internet
6.1.16 The risks of frustration
6.2 DOCUMENTS
6.2.1 Resist frustration
 6.2.2 Understanding the origin of frustration to go beyond
6.2.3 Frustration, fear and regret
6.2.4 The cry of pain of a young gay
6.2.5 Acting a gay love
6.2.6 Gays and school of prejudices 
6.2.7 Gay sex and hypocrisy 
6.2.8 Christmas Eve: a text not sexually connoted
 
7 I’M GAY AND I’M GOOD ABOUT MYSELF
7.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
7.1.1 Being comfortable with yourself
7.1.2 Self-esteem
7.1.3 Low self-esteem linked to one’s physicality
7.1.4 Low self-esteem linked to one’s sexual physicality
7.1.5 Low self-esteem for character reasons
7.1.6 The premises to recover self-esteem
7.1.7 Parity and dependence within the couple
7.1.8 Formalization of relationships
7.1.9 Heterosexuals and (obsessive) fear of being gay
7.1.10 Gays and discomfort of being gay
7.1.11 Pessimism, depressive attitudes and self-esteem
7.1.12 Low self-esteem and search for the ideal partner
7.1.13 Unilateral discourses and dependence
7.1.14 Frenetic phase and sexual embarrassment
7.1.15 A gay story of emotional addiction
7.1.16 Gay mental narcissism
7.2 DOCUMENTS
7.2.1 Message from an old and sick gay 
7.2.2 Gay experiences 
7.2.3 A gay guy looking for the best guy 
7.2.4 Gay dignity 
7.2.5 Gay sunset 
 
8 GAY AFFECTIVITY
8.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW 
8.1.1 Gay affectivity 
8.1.2 Family affectivity and coming out 
8.1.3 Friendship affectivity and coming out 
8.1.4 Affective research and gay sexual research 
8.1.5 Economic model of gay affectivity 
8.1.6 Weak and gratuitous affectivity, emotional affinity 
8.1.7 Free friendship and instrumental friendship 
8.1.8 Friendship between gays 
8.1.9 Affective equilibrium 
8.1.10 Sexuality as a substitute of affectivity
8.1.11 Failure of couple life
8.1.12 Affectivity crisis and non-affective sexuality
8.2 DOCUMENTS 
8.2.1 Gays and couple solidarity 
8.2.2 Gay relationships without an end
8.2.3 Love stories of a gay eighteen year old
8.2.4 Gays and heterosexual nostalgia
8.2.5 Non-sexual gay love and sublimation
8.2.6 Extended gay family
8.2.7 Gay love stronger than despair
8.2.8 Love in a gay family
8.2.9 A gay coach falls in love in the gym
8.2.10 Viscous gay relationships
 
9 GAY SEX EDUCATION 
9.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
9.1.1 Acquisition of basic concepts: male, female, couple and family
9.1.2 School books and heterosexual culture
9.1.3 Sex education through films and television
9.1.4 Sex education and sport
9.1.5 Sex education and religion
9.1.6 Parents and sex education
9.1.7 Sex education: taboo and scandal
9.1.8 Building one’s own concept of sexuality
9.1.9 Repressive sex education
9.1.10 Risks of obscurantism and prohibitionism
9.1.11 Pornography on the net
9.1.12 Sex education delegated to Church and pornography
9.1.13 Hetero-gay and gay-gay models of gay relationship
9.1.14 Hetero-gay relationship
9.1.15 Hetero-gay relationships and feminization of the gay
9.1.16 The seduction in the hetero-gay relationship
9.1.17 Evolution of hetero-gay relationships 
9.1.18 Heterosexuals and gay sex
9.1.19 Motivations for the practice of sexuality
9.1.20 Married heterosexuals and gay sex 
9.1.21 Birth of pornography 
9.1.22 Gay-gay relationships
9.1.23 Genetic-epigenetic basis of education
9.1.24 Wrong family educational attitudes
9.1.25 Family conflicts
9.1.26 Confidence and confidentiality
9.1.27 Inadequacy of parents
9.1.28 Environmental sex education and social roles
9.1.29 Basic homo-affectivity and basic hetero-affectivity
9.1.30 The prevention of sexual abuse
9.1.31 Risks coming from the Internet
9.1.32 Affective attitudes of parents and education through the example 
9.1.33 How to deal with the issue of homosexuality
9.1.34 Pedophile fantasies 
9.1.35 Dogmatic preconceptions about couple life
9.2 DOCUMENTS
9.2.1 Hell and heaven of a gay guy 
9.2.2 Are my sexual fantasies gay?
 
 10 GAYS AND RELIGION
10.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
10.1.1 Religious prescriptions
10.1.2 Religious prescriptions and morality
10.1.3 Chastity
10.1.4 Prohibition-transgression-guilt 
10.1.5 Religion and self-repression
10.1.6 The religion from ”doing” to ”not doing”
 10.1.7 Catholic Church and masturbation
10.1.8 Catholic Church and homosexuality
10.1.9 Gay guys and confession
10.1.10 Gay guys and Catholic Church: possible options 
10.1.11 Reparative therapies
10.1.12 World health organization and reparative therapies
10.2 DOCUMENTS
10.2.1 Misunderstandings among gay guys and Christian parents
 10.2.2 A gay in love
10.2.3 How a gay guy confronts religion
10.2.4 Or Christian or gay 
10.2.5 Church, freedom and secular morality
 10.2.6 A gay guy saved from reparative therapies
10.2.7 The true story of a gay priest
11 GAY SEXUALITY
11.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
11.1.1 Contents of the chapter
11.1.2 Gay love and gay sex
11.1.3 Non-possessive gay love
11.1.4 Obstacles to love relationships
11.1.5 Fake falling in love and sexual exploration
11.1.6 Gay sex with lightness
11.1.7 Gay sex and sexual play
11.1.8 Gay sexuality and hetero affectivity
11.1.9 Late masturbation and delayed adolescence
11.1.10 Sexual violence and sexual abuse
11.1.11 Sex addiction
11.1.12 Sexual discomfort and transgressive sexuality
11.1.13 Ego-dystonic homosexuality
11.1.14 Gays and dysfunctional sex 
11.1.15 Homosexuality and paraphilias 
11.1.16 Gay anal sex: false myths and pornography
11.2 DOCUMENTS 
11.2.1 Reconstruct a gay sexuality
11.2.2 Gay sex on cam
11.2.3 Tenderness and gay sexuality
11.2.4 A gay in the gym
11.2.5 Nakedness and gay sexuality
11.2.6 Gay themed OCD and nakedness at the gym
11.2.7 Gay sex and many doubts
11.2.8 Gay polygamy
11.2.9 One hundred percent Gay
11.2.10 Gay guys in the pool between tenderness and sexuality
11.2.11 Gay sexual behaviors
11.2.12 Gay love forever
11.2.13 Sexual abuse and gay sexuality
11.2.14 Homosexuality and sexual violence in a boarding school
11.2.15 Gay sex and sense of domination and intrusion
11.2.16 Gay guys and compulsory military service
 
12 GAYS AND ANXIETY
12.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
12.1.1 Reactive anxiety
12.1.2 Anxiety and homophobia
12.1.3 Anxiogenous situations for a gay
12.1.4 Taxonomic categories and interpretative categories
12.1.5 Internalized homophobia and gay discomfort
12.1.6 Interacting with an anxious subject
12.1.7 Gay Sexuality and anxiety
12.1.8 Anxiety arising from moments of uncertainty about sexual orientation 
12.1.9 Anxiety from presumed inadequacy 
12.1.10 Friendship and sexual confidence
12.1.11 Anxiety and problematisation of sexuality
12.1.12 How to overcome the anxieties connected to sexuality
12.2 DOCUMENTS
12.2.1 Gay sexuality and anxiety 
12.2.2 Gay anxiety and socialization
12.2.3 Homosexuality, anxiety and sexual experiments 
12.2.4 Gay obsessive jealousy
 
13 HOMOSEXUALITY AND FEELINGS OF GUILT
13.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
13.1.1 Concept of feeling of guilt
13.1.2 Function of the sense of guilt
13.1.3 Codes of behavior and individual well-being
13.1.4 Moral freedom and feelings of guilt
13.1.5 Dysfunctional attempts to overcome feelings of guilt
13.1.6 The conquest of moral freedom
13.1.7 Self-degradation
13.1.8 Dangers of behavior patterns
13.1.9 Feelings of guilt induced by theoretical models
13.1.10 Infidelity: the roots of betrayal
13.1.11 Frantic sexuality and emotional needs
13.1.12 Intenalization of the prejudice of others
13.1.13 Moralism and inability to understand the betrayal
13.1.14 Self-esteem and feelings of guilt
13.1.15 Masturbation according to the Catholic Church and feelings of guilt 
13.1.16 Sexual pleasure in a document of the World Health Organization 
13.2 DOCUMENTS 
13.2.1 Birth of a gay couple
 
14 AFFECTIVITY AND SEXUALITY MODELS
14.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
14.1.1 Models of affectivity and sexuality 
14.1.2 Sex-centric models and models with widespread sexuality
14.1.3 The possible gay couple
14.1.4 An attempt to put in practice an abstract model of a gay couple 
14.1.5 A search for a balance without models of couple life 
14.2 DOCUMENTS 
14.2.1 Gay sex for not thinking
14.2.2 Gay love without gay couple
14.2.3 Gays and sexual fidelity
 
15 GAYS AND GAY NORMALITY
15.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
15.2 DOCUMENTS 
15.2.1 A normal gay
 
16 GAYS AND DIVERGENT THINKING
16.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
16.2 DOCUMENTS 
16.2.1 Gays and family
16.2.2 Non-possessive gay couple
16.2.3 A non-standard gay couple
 
17 GAY LOVE AND SOCIAL CONDITIONING
17.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
17.2 DOCUMENTS
17.2.1 Gays and social status
17.2.2 Gay couples and money
 
18 GAYS AND COUPLE STABILITY
18.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
18.1.1 Statistics on gay wedding 
18.1.2 What results from Gay Project
18.2 DOCUMENTS
18.2.1 A gay guy who wants to come back single
18.2.2 Gay holidays
18.2.3 Beware of good gay guys!
18.2.4 My story – Crisis of a gay couple
18.2.5 Gay couples: illusions and disappointments
 
19 GAY INTERGENERATIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
19.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
19.2 DOCUMENTS
19.2.1 A gay couple with 40 years of age difference
19.2.2 A gay different from other gays
19.2.3 Gay guys and intergenerational sexual fantasies
19.2.4 Different among those who are different
19.2.5 Appearance and reality of a gay life
19.2.6 Gay love between a twenty-year-old and a forty-year-old
19.2.7 A gay couple 27 years together  
19.2.8 Regrets and gay morality
19.2.9 Doubts of a gay 40-year-old 
 
20 GAYS AND PREVENTION 
20.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW 
20.1.1 Statistics on sexually transmitted diseases
20.1.2 Risky approaches to sexuality by younger guys
20.1.3 From gay dissipation to gay commitment
20.1.4 Gay love and HIV test
20.2 DOCUMENTS
20.2.1 About unprotected gay sexual intercourse
 
21 OCCASIONAL GAY SEX
21.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
 
22 DANGEROUS GAY DATING
22.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
22.2 DOCUMENTS
22.2.1 Violence and gay sex 
22.2.2 Power and gay prostitution
22.2.3 University gay prostitution 
22.2.4 Gays and risks in chat 
22.2.5 Learning from gay experiences
 
23 SEX IN GAY-STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS
23.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
23.2 DOCUMENTS
 23.2.1 Sex between a gay and a straight
23.2.2 Temptations of a gay guy in vacation
23.2.3 Gays and repressed instincts
23.2.4 Gay guys who see straight friends as gay lovers
23.2.5 Gay-hetero relationship and sexual embarrassment
 
24 LATENT HOMOSEXUALITY 
24.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW 
24.1.1 Latent homosexuality and marriage
24.1.2 Gays and available guys with latent homosexuality
24.2 DOCUMENTS
24.2.1 Is he a latent gay? 
 
25 GAY SEX FANTASIES AND OBSESSIVE CONTENTS
25.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
25.1.1 Gay sex fantasies and obsessive contents
25.1.2 A real case of gay-themed obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) 
25.1.3 Sexual abuse and obsessive contents
 
26 MARRIED GAYS
26.1 GENERAL OVERVIEW
26.1.1 Homosexuality as guilt-pathology and marriage as a remedy
26.1.2 Email from a gay guy about to marry
26.1.3 Underestimation of gay sexuality and overvaluation of that hetero one
26.1.4 The reactions of the girls
26.1.5 Gay husbands and conflictive marriage
26.1.6 How married gays live their gay sexuality
26.1.7 Critical points of a gay’s journey towards marriage 
26.1.8 Non-possessive women in love with gay men
26.1.9 Women exploited by gay guys
26.2 DOCUMENTS
26.2.1 A girl in love with a gay guy
26.2.2 A girl in love with a repressed gay guy
26.2.3 Story of a married gay guy
26.2.4 Experiences of a married gay
26.2.5 Gay fantasies of a married man
26.2.6 A married gay guy who has not repented 
26.2.7 Falling in love with a married man
26.2.8 Falling in love with a married guy – a very complicated situation

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ONE HUNDRED PERCENT GAY

Hello Project, I am writing to push you to go on with “gay project” because I’m convinced, and I know it because I have experienced it in first person, that it is a fundamental tool of sex education, in practice the only tool in network that allows gay boys to have serious answers on many things that they couldn’t face anywhere else. 
 
I’ll tell you my story (I wrote you a long time ago and we talked through msn), if you want, publish this email, I think it would make sense because I believe that many guys have gone through similar things to what I’ve been through.
 
I am 25 years old, I’m not really young but I can tell you that I’m only now learning to appreciate the fact that I’m gay and to live homosexuality in another way. I’m from the computer generation and I’m an only child, among other things a child of elderly parents, my father is almost 70 years old and my mother is a bit under 60. Of my parents I can only say well. In my house I’ve always felt at ease.
 
My parents worried about me but they always left me substantial freedom. At 19 I was traveling around Europe in a tent with my friends, they never anguished me with the classic questions like “do you have a girlfriend?” or similar, with them the topic of sex was always taboo, it’s like if they had in mind that they had to stay apart from those things and up to a certain point I agree with them.
 
I had already my pc when I was 14 and I fiddled around a lot. My parents a little because of their mentality, according to which they would never go rummaging through my things, and a little because they don’t understand anything about computers, they would certainly never enter my computer and I used it at the beginning only for school and I didn’t even put a password, then, driven mainly by the stories of my classmates, I started to search, on google, words like sex, pussy, and the like. What comes after you can imagine it.
 
I saved the sites and then I thought it’s risky and I studied how to put the password, I spent two hours to understand how to do but then I succeeded. I had just turned 14. I waited for dad and mom to go to bed and then: sex without brakes! Endless masturbations on straight photos and videos, that is with a boy and a girl, up to high night, but all apparently strictly in a straight key.
 
I say this because now I know it very well, a straight porn can be very interesting also for a gay boy, because there is not only the girl, but at that time I didn’t come to this kind of reasoning, for me if there was a girl on the video, the video was straight and therefore I was fine and I felt allowed to use it.
 
For a few days it went on like this, I felt like a “man” because I was thinking about sex, in the morning, at school, I was so dazed that I fell asleep in class. I arrived to masturbate three or four times a day. In practice, pornography monopolized me completely, I had reached the point that my penis hurt and I thought I had created problems only by insisting too much, but fortunately it was not so.
 
I was a bit succubus of these things and a little I began to think that it was too much and it could compromise my health and then I began to reduce the number of masturbations but at the same time I wanted them to be a powerful thing and then I chose with care the photos or the porn to use, even if at that time the porn was very short.
 
A lot of times I ended up in sites that became impossible to close and I had to close everything turning off the computer, there was no ADSL, and there was the risk of the dialer, that loaded the bill with high figures, but fortunately I have never stumbled on such things, then since I knew that with the ADSL there was no risk of the dialer, I did change my subscription and I put the ADSL, at least from that point of view I was safe.
 
I had just turned 15 and I had noticed one thing, that is, that even if I masturbated using hetero porn sites, in fact, I wasn’t interested at all in girls, and without internet, when I tried to go only with my fantasy on the girls, I didn’t even get a hard-on. I remember that at the time I was very worried, I went to read articles on impotence and I seemed to have all the ills of the world.
 
Then something happened that really upset me. At school, my class was almost entirely male and we were a lot, we did gymnastics without girls at the first two hours, the girls did it with the other girls in the afternoon.
 
At the end of the second year, at the beginning of May, the teacher tells us that the following Monday he would have taken us to the municipal stadium of athletics and tells us “Bring everything with you, even soap, shampoo and towel because at the stadium there are the showers”. At school, on the other hand, there was nothing but a football pitch and a gym, but still with all the wooden tools attached to the walls, like many years ago.
 
The following Monday arrives, well let’s say that it really changed my life. There were not only my classmates but also the older boys of the fourth and fifth (18-19 y. o.).
 
The showers were huge and in the locker room there was a go and come of naked guys, and immediately I had an erection that I couldn’t hold back. Obviously I didn’t take a shower, I was not really in a possible condition, I was the first one to enter the locker room and the last one to get out of it, then at the end of the morning, when I saw someone who went back to the showers, I rushed there and came out after the last of my classmates. Luckily I had the shoulder bag, and instead of putting it on my shoulders I put it on my neck so that it would fall on the front to cover the erection. In practice I had no more doubts, I was not yet 16 years old.
 
Since that day I no longer used straight porn sites, now I felt completely gay. I have to say that I had no problem accepting it, because it was absolutely natural for me and, even without porn, I masturbated easily using fancy, I was fine because the memory of the morning at the stadium was and still is one of my fixed sexual fantasies.
 
Here begins the second part of the story and perhaps the most unpleasant. I had just started to surf gay sites, and many things seemed to fit perfectly with my way of fantasizing about the guys: caressing, hugging, kissing, and wanting to see and touch the other boy’s intimate parts and also let him do exactly the same, all this didn’t create any problems, and spontaneously I had already thought many times even about mutual masturbation, after the famous morning at the stadium.
 
As for the oral sex, ok, it was never a spontaneous thing, but in a sense I told myself that in fact I would have done it on both sides, but many porn videos, practically all, went on with the penetration and frankly it was something that not only had never crossed my mind but sincerely seemed repellent to me, not for a matter of moralism but I just could not conceive of it.
 
The idea of oral sex was a different thing, not spontaneous, but in the end it was possible also for me, but I considered the penetration something extraneous, both on one side or the other. From here I began to wonder if I was really gay,
 
so many jokes about gays alluded to that thing, in porn it was a frequent thing, not really always present but very present (99%). I began to make a selection of videos by eliminating all those that ended up with the penetration and saving everyone else, and then I saw only those that I had saved because I felt them more suitable for me. Then I began to reflect almost obsessively about the fact that I was immature, because I read that when gay guys say “complete intercourse” they allude to anal penetration and I told myself that if there is to be forced, I don’t like it, it is a sign that I’m not really gay, but so what am I?
 
I am one who prefers to stop at an incomplete thing and therefore am I afraid of true gay sex? I tried to masturbate forcing myself to fantasies on the anal penetration but I felt it just like something completely extraneous. This fact for me was very conditioning, in practice even if I had friends who I thought were gay I had never even tried to break the ice and to every attempt on their part I replied in a very cold way because I didn’t feel fully gay and I thought that it would not work anyway, that maybe I would have to adapt, what I did not like at all. Then I ended up on your blog, and there was a link to the novel “Andy”. I was intrigued and I started to read and the more I went on the more I liked it, the text was censored but nevertheless was still understandable. I said to myself: “You have just to wait and these guys too will end up there! (I meant to anal penetration)”. I arrive at the end of chapter 3 and read this passage:
 
– Mark, but you stay with me just to look me in the eyes and to prepare breakfast for me?
– No, not just for that.
– And what else? Say that! Don’t feel conditioned!
– Well, also because I’d like to have sex with you!
– Oh! Finally! And what does it mean for you to have sex with me?
– Well, you know!
– No, I do not know, you must tell me!
– Come on, don’t embarrass me!
– But if you feel embarrassed for this, tonight, I think, we will have very little sex! Come on! Tell me what you’d like to do! Come on, do not make a fuss! [… omissis … (Andy tries in any way to induce Mark to confess what his sexual fantasies are, what he would like to do with Andy.) Mark reticent, at first, then, always using a language that is not directly sexual, talks about his fantasies, but the list of sexual fantasies of Mark is very short.)]
– And then? –
– That’s all!
– No, tell it all without hypocrisy!
– No! That’s really all!
– No! It’s not true, tell all the story!
– No! it’s totally true!
– What did you say?
– Nothing else! finished! There is nothing more!
– Don’t be ashamed, Mark, and the rest?
– There is nothing to add!
– What does nothing mean?
– It means that I don’t like sex from behind. . . how have I to tell you?
– Are you teasing me?
– No! That’s exactly so, if it’s not fit for you I’m sorry, I could also try to adapt but it doesn’t come naturally to me, it would seem to me a forced thing, in my fantasies these things have never existed.
 
Andy became more serious.
 
– Are you sure, Puppy?
– Certainly, keep calm! I know my fantasies well, but why are you grimacing that way?
– Because it never even crossed my brain.
– Don’t make me worry, Andy, tell me the truth!
– I swear, I never thought of making love that way, it’s an idea that has never even touched me.
– Andy, don’t make fun of me on these things, they’re too important!
– No, Puppy, it’s all true! When I looked at porn movies and arrived at that point I closed the video …
– Damn! Is it possible? We are similar also from this point of view!
 
Project, I swear to you that the reading of this passage has really sent my heart to a thousand. So I told myself: “There’s a gay novel about two gay guys who have the same idea of gay sex that I have! And they are gay, they are the protagonists of a novel where there is written: “gay novel”.
 
So I wrote to you, maybe you’ll still remember it, I was “Maybegay”, we talked through msn and you told me that the story of “Andy” is a true story. I didn’t even tell you why I was so interested, maybe you’ll remember, I asked you if you think Andy and Mark are really 100% gay and you were puzzled and you told me: “But why? Can you be more gay than that?”
 
By now I had understood that gays “my way” not only exist but maybe they are not rare, but I had the idea that I would never have found a guy like me, with my way of seeing the things of sex, gays of this type could also exist but I would never have found one.
 
After some time I met a guy at university, we studied together, he didn’t have a girlfriend, he didn’t talk about girls and I saw that he really cared about me, but I didn’t have the courage to break the ice. Fortunately it was he the one who did it, I, on the contrary, with my usual doubts, avoided doing even the slightest step forward, at the end we explicitly said to each other that we were gay and that we liked each other. I told him though that to have sex with me he would have to do two things, I told him: “The first is the aids test” and he told me: “Ok! No problem, I’ve never been with anyone! And the second?” I replied: “You must first read a novel and you must tell me what you think about it, ok?” He said to me:” Of course! Which one?” And I gave him the link to “Andy”, he read it in two days and then we met again. I was very anxious and I asked him: “What do you think of the novel?” He told me: “It’s beautiful! One of the most beautiful things I have read!” I asked him:” But do you think Mark and Andy are gay?” He replied: “If they are not, I don’t know who could be gay!”
 
And I told him : “But they do not have sex from behind.” He looked at me puzzled and told me: “But for you it is so fundamental?” I replied “No, and for you?” He didn’t know what to say, then he said:  “If I must be honest I never understood what people find there. I see it as a something forced, it’s something that never came to my mind.” I told him he had lifted me from a heavy weight and that now we just lacked the test, then I asked him if he felt 100% gay or maybe he felt gay only up to a certain point. He looked at me right in eyes and said: “But who put all these stupid things in your head? Of course I feel 100% gay! Who considers anal penetration as a fundamental thing can do what he wants, it’s his business, do you think perhaps that I have to feel less gay for this? But it would be just absurd!”
 
Well, he’s been my boyfriend for quite a few months now, sex with him is wonderful, but we don’t really think too much about it. We have to finish our studies and find a job in order to live together, because our dream is that. Now, Project, of this email, do whatever you want, but know that “Andy” made me and my boyfriend happy. I’m very grateful to Gay Project. Even my boyfriend has read this mail and we send it to you together. There are many people who love you even if they don’t know you in person.
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If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-one-hundred-percent-gay

GAYPROJECT STARTS PUBLISHING AGAIN

My last post on this blog dates back to January 24, 2013; 4 years and a half ago.

It is time to resume work and to translate into English a lot of material already published on Italian sites. The work will not be easy or short, but I will try to carry it forward as best as I can.

My dream would be to translate the Book “Being Gay” into English in full, which can be downloaded (of course free of charge from the Gay Project Library in Italian: http://progettogayforum.altervista.org/viewforum.php?f=112

The next text I’m going to post here, titled “Little enthusiastic hetero? And if I was gay?”, is a mail sent to me. I just translated it into English (I emphasize that I am not a native English speaker, and I apologize in advance for my rudimentary English).

BEING GAY IN MY COUNTRY

On September 3, 2017 Gay Project has opened GAY PROJECT FORUM, its new forum in English. The philosophy of the Project is very simple:

1) No economic interest. The entire activity of Gay Project is totally free and non-profit.
2) No affiliation with other groups or organizations.
3) No dependence on political or religious ideologies.
4) Always tell the truth.
5) Publish only original material.

In order to promote the forum we consider the possibility of creating different sections related to single countries or areas. Each section (for example “Being gay in USA [if you like State by State]”, “Being gay in Canada”, “Being gay in England”, “Being gay in India”, “Being gay in Jamaica”, “Being gay in South Africa” etc.) is intended to discuss gay questions from a local specific point of view. This way the reader can better understand what gay people are dealing with everyday within single countries. We are searching for guys who can help us starting all this. That’s why a form has been created. Filling the form with adequate contents we can open in the same way the sections dedicated to the single countries.
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The life of an average gay guy in my country

My country: short description
How do gay guys feel their situation, how they deal with parents, friends, school or sport mates, for example about coming out.
Problems that gay guys have to face in everyday life: homophobia or discrimination at school, at university, at work. Problems with families, religion, social institutions.
Legal questions about civil rights, homophobia, marriage and legal unions.
Social reactions of acceptance, refusal, indifference in front of gay coming out.
Other specific aspects you think relevant.
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If you are interested in helping us to start this new service referring to your country, please fill the form above in English (about 3 or 4 pages or more if you like) and send it to gayproject@ymail.com. A specific section of the Forum will be created as soon as possible for your country. You can post on the new section the filled form to start the discussion dedicated to your country.

Please read before the rules of the Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-project-rules

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If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-being-gay-in-my-country

GAY PROJECT FORUM A SERIOUS GAY FORUM

Looking for a serious gay forum to learn about and understand the issues that gay guys face every day? The new “Gay Project Forum“, in English, has been set with the same criteria that led to the success the similar forum in Italian language, namely:

A) Total absence of commercial interests. All services of Project Gay are and will be absolutely free, Gay Project is strictly non-profit.

B) Gay Project is totally free from any kind of advertising.

C) The privacy is absolutely guaranteed. The e-mail address used to register is not accessible to users and will not be passed on to anyone and for any reason. Those who are interested can register by creating a new or a temporary e-mail address. Users are not required personal data of any kind.

D) Gay Project does not publish material already published in other sites but only original material.

GAY PROJECT was born as a portal for information, dialogue and debate about gay reality. It is a project aimed at all, which calls for equal comparison on issues related to homosexuality. The Forum of Gay Project is an extension of this service and offers opportunities for discussion and debate. 

GENERAL RULES

Access and registration on this forum are subject to compliance with some mandatory rules, in addition to the prohibitions provided for by law and by the general rules governing forums:

1) In this forum is not allowed any pedophile content, either directly or indirectly through external links. Gay Project is radically incompatible with pedophilia.

2) In this forum is allowed to talk about politics and religion within the limits of respect for the opinions of others. Gay Project has no religious or political purposes, however all the content deemed offensive to the users or to the forum itself will be the subject to moderation.

3) In this forum there must be no reference to trade, either directly or indirectly through links to the sites of a commercial nature (i.e. any content proposed for profit).

4) In this forum are not allowed pornographic references of any kind, either directly or indirectly through external links.

5) In this forum is not allowed any reference to racist or discriminatory type, either directly or indirectly through external links.

6) In this forum it’s not allowed to post personal details, contact details (e.g. email, msn, facebook, etc.), promotional sites for personal activities or third parties.

The user who posts messages or links in violation of Sections 1 – 6 will be banned.

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Help us to launch this new Forum! Register and use this forum, new members will follow and this tool will prove to be useful for the knowledge of the gay reality. Go to Gay Project Forum.

GAY PROJECT FORUM FOR DISCUSSION AND DEBATE

Dear friends of Project Gay,

Gay Project today launched its first full English Forum:

http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/

This new forum is organized as the well-known Italian Gay Project Forum:

http://progettogayforum.altervista.org/

Gay Project was born in Italy five years ago, it has nothing to do with dating sites and sex chats, was designed instead to encourage a dialogue among gay people through specific software tools. Gay Project has several blogs in Italian, has a Forum that has collected more than 28,000 post and, on the whole of its sites, has raised nearly two million visits.

The philosophy of the project is very simple:

1) No economic interest. The entire activity of Gay Project is totally free and non-profit.

2) No affiliation with other groups or organizations.

3) No dependence on political or religious ideologies.

4) Always tell the truth.

5) Publish only original material.

GAY PROJECT SERVICES

Gay Project launches today a new website, fully dedicated to sexual orientation tests, online interviews and statistics about sexuality.

The previous version of the test (in Italian) has been fairly successful. The forms filled online are now a thousand. The old version has been much improved technically to allow even to see a preview of analysis in order to correct the form before sending it. Following the opening of the new blog in English https://gayproject2.wordpress.com/ I was required to make available in English, some of the services Project Gay has always delivered in Italian.

Since Altervista, hosting your site, requires that a site should still be accessible even in Italian, on this new site services of sexual orientation online, interviews about gay sexuality and statistics are provided both in Italian and in English.

“GAY PROJECT” SERVICES

This site of “Gay Project” presents three distinct services:

1) The “Interviews online on gay sexuality”, organized on 30 questions that you can answer in a totally anonymous, with no limit to the length of the answers. To avoid that the service could be used for other purposes (spam and advertising) the insertion of the form in the database accessible to the public is subject to moderation by Gay Project. To avoid sending duplication, the “send” function is disabled for a period of time after the first sending. To search the database are available specific search functions.

2) The “Test online on sexual orientation”, organized on 67 choice questions. The test is completely anonymous. The form, once sent, is immediately inserted in a database open to the public. Even in this case, to avoid the sending duplication the “send” function is disabled for a period of time after the first sending. The form, once sent, is immediately analyzed by the system and a personalized response is presented in a special page that contains the analysis of the answers given by the user, processed on the basis of the experience gained in Gay Project. The forms containing the answers are stored and are the basis of the statistical system of Gay Project. Anyone can fill out the form, can read the his personalized response and can also read forms and answers related to different users. There is also a specific search functions.

3) The “Flexible statistics service”, which allows to analyze the database of the Test of sexual orientation on the basis of specific requests sent directly online to the system by the user.