ONE HUNDRED PERCENT GAY

Hello Project, I am writing to push you to go on with “gay project” because I’m convinced, and I know it because I have experienced it in first person, that it is a fundamental tool of sex education, in practice the only tool in network that allows gay boys to have serious answers on many things that they couldn’t face anywhere else. 
 
I’ll tell you my story (I wrote you a long time ago and we talked through msn), if you want, publish this email, I think it would make sense because I believe that many guys have gone through similar things to what I’ve been through.
 
I am 25 years old, I’m not really young but I can tell you that I’m only now learning to appreciate the fact that I’m gay and to live homosexuality in another way. I’m from the computer generation and I’m an only child, among other things a child of elderly parents, my father is almost 70 years old and my mother is a bit under 60. Of my parents I can only say well. In my house I’ve always felt at ease.
 
My parents worried about me but they always left me substantial freedom. At 19 I was traveling around Europe in a tent with my friends, they never anguished me with the classic questions like “do you have a girlfriend?” or similar, with them the topic of sex was always taboo, it’s like if they had in mind that they had to stay apart from those things and up to a certain point I agree with them.
 
I had already my pc when I was 14 and I fiddled around a lot. My parents a little because of their mentality, according to which they would never go rummaging through my things, and a little because they don’t understand anything about computers, they would certainly never enter my computer and I used it at the beginning only for school and I didn’t even put a password, then, driven mainly by the stories of my classmates, I started to search, on google, words like sex, pussy, and the like. What comes after you can imagine it.
 
I saved the sites and then I thought it’s risky and I studied how to put the password, I spent two hours to understand how to do but then I succeeded. I had just turned 14. I waited for dad and mom to go to bed and then: sex without brakes! Endless masturbations on straight photos and videos, that is with a boy and a girl, up to high night, but all apparently strictly in a straight key.
 
I say this because now I know it very well, a straight porn can be very interesting also for a gay boy, because there is not only the girl, but at that time I didn’t come to this kind of reasoning, for me if there was a girl on the video, the video was straight and therefore I was fine and I felt allowed to use it.
 
For a few days it went on like this, I felt like a “man” because I was thinking about sex, in the morning, at school, I was so dazed that I fell asleep in class. I arrived to masturbate three or four times a day. In practice, pornography monopolized me completely, I had reached the point that my penis hurt and I thought I had created problems only by insisting too much, but fortunately it was not so.
 
I was a bit succubus of these things and a little I began to think that it was too much and it could compromise my health and then I began to reduce the number of masturbations but at the same time I wanted them to be a powerful thing and then I chose with care the photos or the porn to use, even if at that time the porn was very short.
 
A lot of times I ended up in sites that became impossible to close and I had to close everything turning off the computer, there was no ADSL, and there was the risk of the dialer, that loaded the bill with high figures, but fortunately I have never stumbled on such things, then since I knew that with the ADSL there was no risk of the dialer, I did change my subscription and I put the ADSL, at least from that point of view I was safe.
 
I had just turned 15 and I had noticed one thing, that is, that even if I masturbated using hetero porn sites, in fact, I wasn’t interested at all in girls, and without internet, when I tried to go only with my fantasy on the girls, I didn’t even get a hard-on. I remember that at the time I was very worried, I went to read articles on impotence and I seemed to have all the ills of the world.
 
Then something happened that really upset me. At school, my class was almost entirely male and we were a lot, we did gymnastics without girls at the first two hours, the girls did it with the other girls in the afternoon.
 
At the end of the second year, at the beginning of May, the teacher tells us that the following Monday he would have taken us to the municipal stadium of athletics and tells us “Bring everything with you, even soap, shampoo and towel because at the stadium there are the showers”. At school, on the other hand, there was nothing but a football pitch and a gym, but still with all the wooden tools attached to the walls, like many years ago.
 
The following Monday arrives, well let’s say that it really changed my life. There were not only my classmates but also the older boys of the fourth and fifth (18-19 y. o.).
 
The showers were huge and in the locker room there was a go and come of naked guys, and immediately I had an erection that I couldn’t hold back. Obviously I didn’t take a shower, I was not really in a possible condition, I was the first one to enter the locker room and the last one to get out of it, then at the end of the morning, when I saw someone who went back to the showers, I rushed there and came out after the last of my classmates. Luckily I had the shoulder bag, and instead of putting it on my shoulders I put it on my neck so that it would fall on the front to cover the erection. In practice I had no more doubts, I was not yet 16 years old.
 
Since that day I no longer used straight porn sites, now I felt completely gay. I have to say that I had no problem accepting it, because it was absolutely natural for me and, even without porn, I masturbated easily using fancy, I was fine because the memory of the morning at the stadium was and still is one of my fixed sexual fantasies.
 
Here begins the second part of the story and perhaps the most unpleasant. I had just started to surf gay sites, and many things seemed to fit perfectly with my way of fantasizing about the guys: caressing, hugging, kissing, and wanting to see and touch the other boy’s intimate parts and also let him do exactly the same, all this didn’t create any problems, and spontaneously I had already thought many times even about mutual masturbation, after the famous morning at the stadium.
 
As for the oral sex, ok, it was never a spontaneous thing, but in a sense I told myself that in fact I would have done it on both sides, but many porn videos, practically all, went on with the penetration and frankly it was something that not only had never crossed my mind but sincerely seemed repellent to me, not for a matter of moralism but I just could not conceive of it.
 
The idea of oral sex was a different thing, not spontaneous, but in the end it was possible also for me, but I considered the penetration something extraneous, both on one side or the other. From here I began to wonder if I was really gay,
 
so many jokes about gays alluded to that thing, in porn it was a frequent thing, not really always present but very present (99%). I began to make a selection of videos by eliminating all those that ended up with the penetration and saving everyone else, and then I saw only those that I had saved because I felt them more suitable for me. Then I began to reflect almost obsessively about the fact that I was immature, because I read that when gay guys say “complete intercourse” they allude to anal penetration and I told myself that if there is to be forced, I don’t like it, it is a sign that I’m not really gay, but so what am I?
 
I am one who prefers to stop at an incomplete thing and therefore am I afraid of true gay sex? I tried to masturbate forcing myself to fantasies on the anal penetration but I felt it just like something completely extraneous. This fact for me was very conditioning, in practice even if I had friends who I thought were gay I had never even tried to break the ice and to every attempt on their part I replied in a very cold way because I didn’t feel fully gay and I thought that it would not work anyway, that maybe I would have to adapt, what I did not like at all. Then I ended up on your blog, and there was a link to the novel “Andy”. I was intrigued and I started to read and the more I went on the more I liked it, the text was censored but nevertheless was still understandable. I said to myself: “You have just to wait and these guys too will end up there! (I meant to anal penetration)”. I arrive at the end of chapter 3 and read this passage:
 
– Mark, but you stay with me just to look me in the eyes and to prepare breakfast for me?
– No, not just for that.
– And what else? Say that! Don’t feel conditioned!
– Well, also because I’d like to have sex with you!
– Oh! Finally! And what does it mean for you to have sex with me?
– Well, you know!
– No, I do not know, you must tell me!
– Come on, don’t embarrass me!
– But if you feel embarrassed for this, tonight, I think, we will have very little sex! Come on! Tell me what you’d like to do! Come on, do not make a fuss! [… omissis … (Andy tries in any way to induce Mark to confess what his sexual fantasies are, what he would like to do with Andy.) Mark reticent, at first, then, always using a language that is not directly sexual, talks about his fantasies, but the list of sexual fantasies of Mark is very short.)]
– And then? –
– That’s all!
– No, tell it all without hypocrisy!
– No! That’s really all!
– No! It’s not true, tell all the story!
– No! it’s totally true!
– What did you say?
– Nothing else! finished! There is nothing more!
– Don’t be ashamed, Mark, and the rest?
– There is nothing to add!
– What does nothing mean?
– It means that I don’t like sex from behind. . . how have I to tell you?
– Are you teasing me?
– No! That’s exactly so, if it’s not fit for you I’m sorry, I could also try to adapt but it doesn’t come naturally to me, it would seem to me a forced thing, in my fantasies these things have never existed.
 
Andy became more serious.
 
– Are you sure, Puppy?
– Certainly, keep calm! I know my fantasies well, but why are you grimacing that way?
– Because it never even crossed my brain.
– Don’t make me worry, Andy, tell me the truth!
– I swear, I never thought of making love that way, it’s an idea that has never even touched me.
– Andy, don’t make fun of me on these things, they’re too important!
– No, Puppy, it’s all true! When I looked at porn movies and arrived at that point I closed the video …
– Damn! Is it possible? We are similar also from this point of view!
 
Project, I swear to you that the reading of this passage has really sent my heart to a thousand. So I told myself: “There’s a gay novel about two gay guys who have the same idea of gay sex that I have! And they are gay, they are the protagonists of a novel where there is written: “gay novel”.
 
So I wrote to you, maybe you’ll still remember it, I was “Maybegay”, we talked through msn and you told me that the story of “Andy” is a true story. I didn’t even tell you why I was so interested, maybe you’ll remember, I asked you if you think Andy and Mark are really 100% gay and you were puzzled and you told me: “But why? Can you be more gay than that?”
 
By now I had understood that gays “my way” not only exist but maybe they are not rare, but I had the idea that I would never have found a guy like me, with my way of seeing the things of sex, gays of this type could also exist but I would never have found one.
 
After some time I met a guy at university, we studied together, he didn’t have a girlfriend, he didn’t talk about girls and I saw that he really cared about me, but I didn’t have the courage to break the ice. Fortunately it was he the one who did it, I, on the contrary, with my usual doubts, avoided doing even the slightest step forward, at the end we explicitly said to each other that we were gay and that we liked each other. I told him though that to have sex with me he would have to do two things, I told him: “The first is the aids test” and he told me: “Ok! No problem, I’ve never been with anyone! And the second?” I replied: “You must first read a novel and you must tell me what you think about it, ok?” He said to me:” Of course! Which one?” And I gave him the link to “Andy”, he read it in two days and then we met again. I was very anxious and I asked him: “What do you think of the novel?” He told me: “It’s beautiful! One of the most beautiful things I have read!” I asked him:” But do you think Mark and Andy are gay?” He replied: “If they are not, I don’t know who could be gay!”
 
And I told him : “But they do not have sex from behind.” He looked at me puzzled and told me: “But for you it is so fundamental?” I replied “No, and for you?” He didn’t know what to say, then he said:  “If I must be honest I never understood what people find there. I see it as a something forced, it’s something that never came to my mind.” I told him he had lifted me from a heavy weight and that now we just lacked the test, then I asked him if he felt 100% gay or maybe he felt gay only up to a certain point. He looked at me right in eyes and said: “But who put all these stupid things in your head? Of course I feel 100% gay! Who considers anal penetration as a fundamental thing can do what he wants, it’s his business, do you think perhaps that I have to feel less gay for this? But it would be just absurd!”
 
Well, he’s been my boyfriend for quite a few months now, sex with him is wonderful, but we don’t really think too much about it. We have to finish our studies and find a job in order to live together, because our dream is that. Now, Project, of this email, do whatever you want, but know that “Andy” made me and my boyfriend happy. I’m very grateful to Gay Project. Even my boyfriend has read this mail and we send it to you together. There are many people who love you even if they don’t know you in person.
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If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-one-hundred-percent-gay
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GAYPROJECT STARTS PUBLISHING AGAIN

My last post on this blog dates back to January 24, 2013; 4 years and a half ago.

It is time to resume work and to translate into English a lot of material already published on Italian sites. The work will not be easy or short, but I will try to carry it forward as best as I can.

My dream would be to translate the Book “Being Gay” into English in full, which can be downloaded (of course free of charge from the Gay Project Library in Italian: http://progettogayforum.altervista.org/viewforum.php?f=112

The next text I’m going to post here, titled “Little enthusiastic hetero? And if I was gay?”, is a mail sent to me. I just translated it into English (I emphasize that I am not a native English speaker, and I apologize in advance for my rudimentary English).

BEING GAY IN MY COUNTRY

On September 3, 2017 Gay Project has opened GAY PROJECT FORUM, its new forum in English. The philosophy of the Project is very simple:

1) No economic interest. The entire activity of Gay Project is totally free and non-profit.
2) No affiliation with other groups or organizations.
3) No dependence on political or religious ideologies.
4) Always tell the truth.
5) Publish only original material.

In order to promote the forum we consider the possibility of creating different sections related to single countries or areas. Each section (for example “Being gay in USA [if you like State by State]”, “Being gay in Canada”, “Being gay in England”, “Being gay in India”, “Being gay in Jamaica”, “Being gay in South Africa” etc.) is intended to discuss gay questions from a local specific point of view. This way the reader can better understand what gay people are dealing with everyday within single countries. We are searching for guys who can help us starting all this. That’s why a form has been created. Filling the form with adequate contents we can open in the same way the sections dedicated to the single countries.
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The life of an average gay guy in my country

My country: short description
How do gay guys feel their situation, how they deal with parents, friends, school or sport mates, for example about coming out.
Problems that gay guys have to face in everyday life: homophobia or discrimination at school, at university, at work. Problems with families, religion, social institutions.
Legal questions about civil rights, homophobia, marriage and legal unions.
Social reactions of acceptance, refusal, indifference in front of gay coming out.
Other specific aspects you think relevant.
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If you are interested in helping us to start this new service referring to your country, please fill the form above in English (about 3 or 4 pages or more if you like) and send it to gayproject@ymail.com. A specific section of the Forum will be created as soon as possible for your country. You can post on the new section the filled form to start the discussion dedicated to your country.

Please read before the rules of the Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-project-rules

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If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-being-gay-in-my-country

GAY PROJECT FORUM A SERIOUS GAY FORUM

Looking for a serious gay forum to learn about and understand the issues that gay guys face every day? The new “Gay Project Forum“, in English, has been set with the same criteria that led to the success the similar forum in Italian language, namely:

A) Total absence of commercial interests. All services of Project Gay are and will be absolutely free, Gay Project is strictly non-profit.

B) Gay Project is totally free from any kind of advertising.

C) The privacy is absolutely guaranteed. The e-mail address used to register is not accessible to users and will not be passed on to anyone and for any reason. Those who are interested can register by creating a new or a temporary e-mail address. Users are not required personal data of any kind.

D) Gay Project does not publish material already published in other sites but only original material.

GAY PROJECT was born as a portal for information, dialogue and debate about gay reality. It is a project aimed at all, which calls for equal comparison on issues related to homosexuality. The Forum of Gay Project is an extension of this service and offers opportunities for discussion and debate. 

GENERAL RULES

Access and registration on this forum are subject to compliance with some mandatory rules, in addition to the prohibitions provided for by law and by the general rules governing forums:

1) In this forum is not allowed any pedophile content, either directly or indirectly through external links. Gay Project is radically incompatible with pedophilia.

2) In this forum is allowed to talk about politics and religion within the limits of respect for the opinions of others. Gay Project has no religious or political purposes, however all the content deemed offensive to the users or to the forum itself will be the subject to moderation.

3) In this forum there must be no reference to trade, either directly or indirectly through links to the sites of a commercial nature (i.e. any content proposed for profit).

4) In this forum are not allowed pornographic references of any kind, either directly or indirectly through external links.

5) In this forum is not allowed any reference to racist or discriminatory type, either directly or indirectly through external links.

6) In this forum it’s not allowed to post personal details, contact details (e.g. email, msn, facebook, etc.), promotional sites for personal activities or third parties.

The user who posts messages or links in violation of Sections 1 – 6 will be banned.

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Help us to launch this new Forum! Register and use this forum, new members will follow and this tool will prove to be useful for the knowledge of the gay reality. Go to Gay Project Forum.

GAY PROJECT FORUM FOR DISCUSSION AND DEBATE

Dear friends of Project Gay,

Gay Project today launched its first full English Forum:

http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/

This new forum is organized as the well-known Italian Gay Project Forum:

http://progettogayforum.altervista.org/

Gay Project was born in Italy five years ago, it has nothing to do with dating sites and sex chats, was designed instead to encourage a dialogue among gay people through specific software tools. Gay Project has several blogs in Italian, has a Forum that has collected more than 28,000 post and, on the whole of its sites, has raised nearly two million visits.

The philosophy of the project is very simple:

1) No economic interest. The entire activity of Gay Project is totally free and non-profit.

2) No affiliation with other groups or organizations.

3) No dependence on political or religious ideologies.

4) Always tell the truth.

5) Publish only original material.

GAY PROJECT SERVICES

Gay Project launches today a new website, fully dedicated to sexual orientation tests, online interviews and statistics about sexuality.

The previous version of the test (in Italian) has been fairly successful. The forms filled online are now a thousand. The old version has been much improved technically to allow even to see a preview of analysis in order to correct the form before sending it. Following the opening of the new blog in English https://gayproject2.wordpress.com/ I was required to make available in English, some of the services Project Gay has always delivered in Italian.

Since Altervista, hosting your site, requires that a site should still be accessible even in Italian, on this new site services of sexual orientation online, interviews about gay sexuality and statistics are provided both in Italian and in English.

“GAY PROJECT” SERVICES

This site of “Gay Project” presents three distinct services:

1) The “Interviews online on gay sexuality”, organized on 30 questions that you can answer in a totally anonymous, with no limit to the length of the answers. To avoid that the service could be used for other purposes (spam and advertising) the insertion of the form in the database accessible to the public is subject to moderation by Gay Project. To avoid sending duplication, the “send” function is disabled for a period of time after the first sending. To search the database are available specific search functions.

2) The “Test online on sexual orientation”, organized on 67 choice questions. The test is completely anonymous. The form, once sent, is immediately inserted in a database open to the public. Even in this case, to avoid the sending duplication the “send” function is disabled for a period of time after the first sending. The form, once sent, is immediately analyzed by the system and a personalized response is presented in a special page that contains the analysis of the answers given by the user, processed on the basis of the experience gained in Gay Project. The forms containing the answers are stored and are the basis of the statistical system of Gay Project. Anyone can fill out the form, can read the his personalized response and can also read forms and answers related to different users. There is also a specific search functions.

3) The “Flexible statistics service”, which allows to analyze the database of the Test of sexual orientation on the basis of specific requests sent directly online to the system by the user.

I REALIZAD I WAS GAY AT THE AGE OF 40

Hello Project,

Gladly send you the post that you asked me, basically I just changed previous mails a bit, but the essence is still the same. If you think it’s ok you can publish. I’d be delighted if it could help someone.

Mario

________________________

Hello Project,

you cannot imagine how I feel embarrassed to write this mail, even though I know I owe you this mail, I’ve already tried several times to write but at the end I deleted everything, I could not absolutely send it to you, but this time I take my courage in both my hands and I do. My name is Mario and I turned 40 a few months ago. People who know me envy me. I have a great job that takes me up almost completely. I used to think that to have little time to think of myself was a fortune but now I’ve changed my mind. I am single and until recently I thought that I would be single for the rest of my life. I have a home that I began to pay more than 10 years ago. In theory, what you see, I should be happy. I try to look sure of myself because with the work I do it’s important but until recently, when I was alone were moments of total depression. But I try to explain why. I always thought to be straight or better to be nothing. Between 18 and 20 years old I had my first and only girlfriend. It seems superfluous and obvious to say that between us there has never been sex, but there has never been even love and now these things are far away. I’m always very gallant with the girls but I avoid any involvement in any way, and so happened before, at least from 30 years onwards. I had never thought of being gay and I haven’t even raised the issue. My erotic fantasies where always on the girls, but things were forced, at a conscious level at least, nevertheless I never felt gay repressed. For the guys I did not feel anything. I read your article on masturbation as a problem https://gayproject2.wordpress.com/2012/09/12/if-gay-masturbation-becomes-a-problem/ and there I found myself perfectly (I feel embarrassed to talk about these things). In practice for me masturbation was often a frustrating self-constraint and then I preferred to do it without thinking about anything as a kind of strictly physiological need my desire had nothing to do with. A few months ago I started to surf the internet to understand why masturbation was just a problem for me (Project, please understand that, 40 y. o., I’m in a titanic effort to go ahead and write these things) and I found that your article, but in the headline you were talking about “gay” masturbation, I was tempted to read it but then I thought: “But I’m not gay!” And I have not read. It may seem absurd, but I systematically avoided gay sites, all, of any kind. I was holding pretty much just working, I was in the office all day and sometimes even at night but I was starting to feel really badly, I was always nervous even if I had to be highly controlled. You can imagine how depressing it was for me to try to masturbate. It was then that I ended up back on your post about masturbation as a problem, I plucked up courage and I read it even though it was written for gay people. The more I read the more was the heartbeat, I was anxious to get to the end, and then I started surfing a little your gay project forum that is enormous (but how did you gather all the documentation?) I was reading and never getting tired of reading, reading those things even from the outside, but I continued to read and the fact that were gay things not rejected me. I was reading I was amazed as but positive. I wondered how could be falling in love with a boy? But I did not think it as a taboo. I have read a lot from blogs and forum, then I started to do some research about masturbation and I discovered that you mention it many times, and then I read the gay love stories and seemed fine. Then I thought I was reading an explicitly gay site but I kept reading and reading was extremely interesting, in practice I have been there all night, the more I went on the more I was intrigued. I had never read any site with the same interest. The next evening I continued. I thought “But how do these people talk about so intimate things with such ease? Then I read the posts of those who find themselves gay late and there my brain is set in motion at a different pace and I thought: what if it was? I was puzzled, I will not deny it, but it was still possible. Meanwhile, as the brain was on this hypothesis, I continued to read the blog but much less from the outside. I read the post about gay sexuality, about gay soft sexuality, and I explicitly said: “Well, should be nice!” I said to myself that making love with a guy like that would be nice! Before I never would have imagined, but I began to fantasize about those things and I did not feel fear or disgust, I figured just get a guy to my house, to hug him, then take him to the kitchen, cooking together, talking about everything, but knowing that we’re both gay, and then to see him smiling. I smiled at the thought of seeing a gay smiling while in my house. My world seemed upside down, I imagined stroking his hand slightly during dinner. Then I would sit on the couch and he would lay resting head on my lap and I could stroke his face. There is only one thing of which I am a bit ashamed, the boy I imagined was 20, maximum 25 y. o.. Who knows why, but I do not think I could fall in love with a man my age. Well, beautiful thoughts of great tenderness, I thought that if I had had an erection it would be a good thing but nothing happened, my sexuality would not be miraculously resurrected non even by my blessed gay fantasies I had just discovered I liked, because seemed so sweet to me. I thought, perhaps foolishly, that I would even accepted to be gay if my sexuality had awakened. But it did not happen and I thought it would still be another frustration. I came back very disappointed to read the site but it was already late and I went to bed and, contrary to all expectations, for the first time in my life I had an erotic dream, and a gay erotic dream. I dreamed I was in the war, perhaps Vietnam War, I do not know, I was alone and I was returning to the camp on foot from a dangerous mission. There are dead everywhere, I hear a moan, I approach, it’s a soldier who I don’t know, he cannot make it to speak but he is alive, I cannot leave him there, I must take him with me but I’m dead tired, at the end I take him in my arms and start to go toward our camp, but I’m really tired and I’m afraid that my heart bursts. I go along with the energy of despair, at some point I feel him inert, as if he was dead, just breathes, he has lost a lot of blood I’m in a terrible desperation, I start to cry and scream, a van to transport injured passes close to me, we climb up then we arrive at the camp. I begged that he would not die, a young guy, a little more than 20 y. o., the doctor sees him and says he is dead. I am sure that he’s not and I take the doctor by his neck and threaten him badly. The doctor is convinced and they try to revive him but do not allow me to follow them. I wait with anxiety. Half an hour later the doctor comes out and says “The guy has a thick skin; we’ll see how he will react in the coming hours.” The dream that, at the beginning, had all the appearance of the nightmare left me a glimmer of hope. Then everything changes, that guy is in the hospital, but he is conscious, I shake his hand to comfort him, he opens his eyes and says: “I’m afraid!” I shook his hand, then it is evening and the memory is very confused. Finally, he’s with me at my house, sitting on the couch, he’s fine, smiles, then I feel excited but I dare not say anything, just look at him for a moment in his eyes, he lights up and opens his arms. At that point I woke up with my heart beating and I was erect, but just as it should be, something quite unusual for me. You can imagine what I did; they were many years that I felt things that intensity, in fact I think I had never felt before. It seemed incredible. I was about to ask the doctor for viagra. I said: “My sexuality is not dead! I’m gay! And I realized that at 40! Luckily for me, my fears prevented me from making choices with no return as marriage.” I was totally shocked but happy. “Gay! Yes! No problem!” I repeated amazed because I didn’t even think it was a problem. I think I did the first huge step forward, at least I know who I am. Project, I have read far and wide the forum but it is just me having to understand many things. I have no illusions about anything … and I know that I woke up very late at 40 but at least I woke up. It seems paradoxical, but in recent days I have spent much less time at work and more time to do something that I could not do before. I am not ashamed, I’m sorry to be just arrived so late because I missed some important occasions. Now, reading the stories of the guys in the forum I realize I’m reading just like a man who knows exactly what it is. I’ve never been in love with a guy or should I say not yet, on the other hand three weeks are not yet elapsed since I realized who I am.

Project, a thank you, I had to.

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Hello Project,

You do not know how I had been waiting for a reply to my first email, I thought it would not come, but then it came and I loved the idea of sexuality as something normal (“the pathological is the taboo!” It’s true!). The chat last night was beautiful. Only a month ago I would never have imagined being able to speak freely about my sexuality at this point, in the end it is as you say, I realized that I lived imprisoned for 25 years because of the fear of ghosts. I feel an incredible sense of lightness and freedom. The project, as you call it, is unique and is a very important thing, for me has been really crucial. Do not give up! Got it! Sometimes, perhaps, you will get tired, but you can give a little peace of mind to many people, with me it happened.

A hug, Project! (I’ll call you next Friday, because I go out for work)

Mario

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If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-i-realized-i-was-gay-at-the-age-of-40