GAY MARRIAGE: THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND THE FRENCH REPUBLIC

This post is aimed at comparing two different opinions about homosexual marriage, the first one emerging from an inter-religious conversation between Jorge Mario Bergoglio  then-archbishop of Buenos Aires (now pope Francis), and rabbi Skorka, and also from an interview with Monsignor Juan Vicente Còrdoba, secretary of the Columbian episcopal conference, and the other coming from the legislative solutions definitively adopted, on April 23, 2013, by the French National Assembly.

The comments in square brackets used inside quotations are by the author of this post.

Bergoglio and Homosexuality

On March 13, 2013, the day of the election of Pope Bergoglio, GayProject published a letter addressed by Cardinal Bergoglio to the Buenos Aires Carmelite nuns in 2010, when the same-sex marriage law was going to be approved in Argentina. https://gayproject2.wordpress.com/2013/03/14/pope-bergoglio-and-homosexuals/ .

In 2010 a book by Jorge Mario Bergoglio and Abraham Skorka, titled “Sobre el cielo y la tierra” was published by Editorial Sudamericana, Buenos Aires.

This book is a compilation of the conversations between the then-archbishop of Buenos Aires, Jorge Mario Bergoglio, now Pope Francis and Abraham Skorka, rabbi and rector of the Latin-American Rabbinic Seminary in Buenos Aires. The inter-religious conversations are about different topics, such as God, fundamentalism, atheists, death, holocaust, homosexuality and capitalism and took place alternatively in the bishop seat and in the Jewish community Benei Tivka.

In the sixteenth chapter, “Sobre el cielo y la tierra” deals with “marriage between people of the same sex”. So rabbi Skorka opens the conversation: “In my opinion, same-sex marriage has been considered in a very partial manner, compared to the depth that the topic deserves. Cohabiting same-sex couples are matter of fact and are entitled to legal solutions to problems such as pensions, inheritance etc.. (which may be part of a new juridical figure), but equating homosexual couples to heterosexual ones is something totally different. It’s not just a belief question, but we must be aware that this problem concerns one of the most delicate elements our culture is based on.”

Bergoglio replies: “Religion, being at the service of the people, in entitled to express its opinion. And if somebody asks me for advice, I have the right to give it to him. Sometimes the religious minister calls attention to certain points of the private or public life because he is the mentor of the faithful.” Up to this point we can find the usual reaffirmation of the duties and  obviously also of  the consequential rights that religions are entitled to claim, nevertheless Bergoglio introduces a new element pointing out what “is not for religious minister, as he doesn’t have the right to interfere with anybody’s private life, and that’s for sure. If, during the Creation, God faced the risk of making us free, who am I to interfere? We condemn the redundancy of spiritual influence, which occurs when a minister imposes the guideline, the behaviour to follow, depriving people of freedom”. These statements, however, are not intended for possible approval of choices different from those suggested (not imposed) by the church because Bergoglio is quick to point out that “God let us free even to commit a sin. Talking clearly about values, limits, commandments is something absolutely necessary, of course, but spiritual or pastoral interference is not allowed”.

Skorka reminds that in Judaism there are some currents in which prescriptive approaches prevail, but he underlines that in Jewish Law there’s no place for homosexuality, and he adds: “On the other hand, I respect any individual who maintains a reserved and intimate approach to the theme”, then he refers to the Argentinian law of 2010 about civil marriage between same-sex people and access to adoptions by same-sex couples; he reminds the worth that scientists like Freud or Lévi-Strauss attribute to the prohibition of incestuous relationships and to sexual ethic, and he admits to be worried about the consequences for society that laws like that approved in Argentina in 2010 can produce.

Bergoglio considers the Argentinian law approved in 2010 as an “anthropological regression”, since it weakens “an institution millennia old, created in accordance with nature and anthropology”; this way the rejection of homosexual unions considered as equivalent to marriage loses the quality of religious precept, in the name of which church is not allowed to deprive anybody of his freedom, and  assumes the meaning of safeguard of the natural law in opposition to anything unnatural, and also of safeguard of a principle of anthropology, which affirms that heterosexuality is an intrinsic characteristic of the man as such.

Bergoglio then states something apparently open-minded: “Fifty years ago, co-living before marriage was not as common as nowadays. It was something degrading. Then things changed. Today, co-living before marriage, although it’s not right from a religious point of view, does not have any more the extremely negative social weight it had fifty years ago. It’s a sociological fact that clearly is not comparable to the completeness and  greatness of marriage, an institution millennia old that has to be defended. […] We too consider very important what you have just highlighted, that is the base of the Natural Law mentioned by the Bible: the union between a man and a woman”. Shorly, Bergoglio underlines that Bible recognizes the “real” Nature Law, which is identified, in sexual matter, as heterosexuality.

Bergoglio continues: “homosexuality has always existed. The island of Lesbos, for example, was well known for having homosexual women. But it had never happened in history that somebody tried to give it the same status as marriage. It was tolerated or not tolerated, it was appreciated or not appreciated, but never considered equal.” Bergoglio doesn’t even conceive that homosexuality can be considered equated with heterosexuality, because he said it doesn’t embody the Natural Law (strange concept of nature!).

Bergoglio continues with a statement: “We know that during some epochal evolutions the phenomenon of homosexuality sensibly increased”. Actually, in those periods of changing the repressive power of some institutions like Catholic Church weakened, that’s why homosexuality became more visible.

Bergoglio adds: “But in our age, it is the first time we face the problem of assimilating it to marriage, and I consider this as a bad value and an anthropological regression”.

Immediately after, Bergoglio presents the most convincing argument, according to him,: “A private union doesn’t hurt anybody nor the society. Instead, if this union is considered under the category of marriage and the right of adoption is allowed, there is the risk of damaging children. Each individual needs a male father and a female mother who help him shaping his own identity”. The idea of homo-parenthood as something dangerous is taken for granted, though many serious studies about the issue have demonstrated that those are only prejudices.

Bergoglio adds: “I insist: our opinion on marriage of same-sex people does not have a religious basis but anthropological”, and for this reason the limitation of the sphere of the individual freedom would be justified as well as the non-equalization of homosexuals with heterosexuals.

Bergoglio reminds that, for the first time after 18 years of being bishop, he had to draw the attention of a public officer when the major of Buenos Aires, Mauricio Macri, refused to appeal against a first grade judgement that had authorized a homosexual marriage. But Bergoglio points out, twice, that he never talked about homosexuals or used derogatory terms against homosexuals and remarks that he confined himself to the legal issue.

Skorka then widens the subject on the natural law and he reminds that “in the discussion before the approval of the law, somebody invoked the “natural law” thanks to which Nature has in itself the rule leading the human behaviour. So, God himself infused this rule in the Creation. Now, a homosexual may rightly object it was God or Nature that made him that way. On the other hand, somebody declared that love between homosexual people has a multiple nature, because female love and male love co-exist together, although this does not implies a suitable condition to create a family”. These last statements of the rabbi, related to a generic “somebody”, are in fact quite curious.

Skorka introduces the question of the parental figures in the educative field and Bergoglio answers that “generally, people say that it would be better for a kid to be grown by a same-sex couple rather than living in an orphanage or in an institute for minors. Of course, neither of these situations is optimal”.

Bergoglio searches for a different solution which could allow to avoid adoption by same-sex couples. He states that “the problem is that the State does not do what it should, […] We have to consider the situations od children who live in public structures or institutes where everything is done but recover those children. NGOs, the different religious confessions or other kinds of organisations should take care of those minors”, but Bergoglio concludes: “a mistake from the State’s side [the excess of bureaucracy and corruption] does not justify another mistake by the same State [the legitimation of adoptions for same-sex couples]”. In this sense, if regulations and procedures for the adoptions were speeded up and bureaucratic rules “whose actual application encourages corruption” were eliminated, there would be no justification for adoptions by same-sex couples.

Skorka goes on quoting Bible and Maimonides, looking for images that compare the relationship between God and men to the matrimonial relationship between a man and a woman, then he concludes: “A homosexual person loves somebody he knows, a fellow. It is easy for a man to know another man, on the contrary it is much more difficult to know a woman, because he needs to decode her. A man perfectly knows what another man feels, and a woman perfectly knows what happens in the body and in the mind of another woman. Discovering the other sex, instead, is a true challenge”.

Bergoglio ends up this way: “Usually, in the homily for a marriage I tell the groom he must make her more woman, and I tell the bride she must make him more man”.

Monsignor Juan Vicente Còrdoba and the adoptions by homosexual people

Here below you can read, translated into English, an article appeared on the Columbian newspaper “El Tiempo”. The article is titled: “Monsignor Juan Vicente Còrdoba thinks that entrusting two boys to a homosexual man was a mistake”. http://m.eltiempo.com/gente/iglesia-rechaza-adopcin-de-homosexuales/10913132

The secretary of the [Columbian] Episcopal Conference, Juan Vicente Còrdoba, a professional psychologist, questioned the adoption of two little brothers authorized by the Columbian Institute for Family Wellness (ICBF) to an American homosexual man. It’s the case of the journalist Chandler Burr, who has taken back with him the two brothers after a long dispute, consequent to the fact that the adoption had been suspended when his sexual orientation was known.

What do you think about this case?

“I don’t want to judge that man or the ICBF, and I imagine there was a good intention behind. But what kind of investigation was carried out on the personality of the future dad? You have to be sure the adopters are a couple, a man and a woman, or a single man or a single woman with a stable psychology, if you want to entrust a child to somebody”.

Is homosexuality a psychological problem?

“It is not an illness, but a gender identity disease, about the identification of the gender. This is what universal psychiatry says”. [Homosexuality objectively has nothing to do with diseases or with gender identity problems, as World Health Organization confirmed many times.]

What do you know about Chandler Burr?

“I don’t know him and I’m not accusing him of anything, but one thing is clear: he has a homosexual tendency and a ten-year old boy and a thirteen-year old boy will be entrusted to him, among them there is a father-son relationship, they entrust him two boys of an age in which they can be attractive for him and so they can be a temptation”.

Do the children risk something?

“One says: why not giving him two girls? Why right two boys to a homosexual man? He wouldn’t feel any attraction towards two girls, if heterosexual fathers abuse of their daughters and even of their sons, then there’s more to worry about a homosexual man. It would have been better to give the children a father and a mother”.

So a homosexual man can’t house an orphan?

“He can, but he has to be a person with an internalized ability of controlling his tendency, his drives, his passions. It’s very hard not to fall in temptation if somebody has diabetes and he lives in a candy shop”.

What is you proposal?

“I believe that things have been made in a hurry, but it is possible to invert the trial as there was a fundamental fact nobody knew. Thus, revising the trial and bringing it back to a previous phase is something absolutely necessary. It will be very difficult for this man to be impartial and give a pure and transparent affection. Colombia cannot supply its citizens to another country like if they were just goods”.

The Prosecutor’s office investigates Chandler Burr’s couple life. The control authority expressed a negative opinion on Burr’s case, “especially about the psychological valuation test, according to which there are some evident inconsistencies about the existence of relationships with same-sex people”.

The control authority confirmed its request to ICBF for obtaining the revision of the adoption requests by mono-parental families or singles and announced that the case will be followed and this proceeding of adoption will be contested.

The choices of the French Republic

On March 24, 2013, Gay Project published an article: GAY MARRIAGE IN FRANCE AND STATE SECULARITY

https://gayproject2.wordpress.com/2013/03/23/gay-marriage-in-france-and-state-secularity/

The French law has finally closed the phase of the double track: marriage only for heterosexuals and other forms of cohabitation also for homosexuals. Without giving any “definition of marriage” was adopted simply a new text of art. 143 of the Civil Code which now reads:

“Art 143 – Marriage is contracted by two persons of different or of the same sex.”

All contrary provisions must therefore be considered amended accordingly. So the secular France has honoured the principles of liberty, equality and fraternity.

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THE REAL LIFE OF A GAY GUY

Hello Project,

about a month ago, while surfing the internet, I found gay project which surprised me because it is something unique. At first I was impressed by the simplicity of the sites and by the absence of erotic advertising, then I started reading and I was amazed by the fact that I was reading a lot of things very similar to those that have happened to me and this, for me , was very important. That’s why I decided to write overcoming so many doubts and resistances. My life does not have anything very important, I’m an engineering student, I come from a normal family after all. My father and my mother more or less get along, my sister got married last year and no longer lives with me. My parents do not know anything about me, and I’ll absolutely avoid to tell them how things really are because for them I think it would just be a trauma, I do not think they would be able to understand, they are good parents, not too invasive, according to the their way of seeing, nor too selfish to care only about their own business. I will not speak with them in order to avoid them to stress uselessly, the idea that children should adapt to be the image and likeness of their parents is too deeply impressed in their own head. I cannot say whether or not they are believers, and to what extent, they go to church on Sunday and I’m going with them as if it were a natural thing because they expect it, my mother goes to confession every so often and receives communion, daddy never, but at least they have the common sense not to put pressure on me about such things. Luckily for me I’m still young and they think that I should hurry to graduate and so the fact that I do not have a girlfriend takes second place, because it would be a distraction from the fundamental purpose. My father and my mother have attitudes toward gay people that make me very angry but I have to tolerate discomfort for a quiet life: they know nothing about such things but they believe they know and understand everything, they are sympathetic to gay people just as priests are, they are inclined to forgive the vice for the weakness of the flesh because “also gays are people” (what a great concession!) but they would never admit that two guys can love each other because “it’s so nice to follow nature” and “between two men or between two women love does not make sense.” I let them talk because they need to be convinced that they are right. By saying so I mean that practically the relationship with my parents doesn’t exist at all but they don’t even realize it, for them it’s much more important to be right. Breaking away from the mentality of my parents and beginning to think with my head it was not so easy. At age 18 I went to confession for the last time, I told the priest that I was gay and I was in love with a guy, the priest didn’t even conceive the idea that it could be a true and deep feeling, and started to repeat certain things that offended me deeply, and I thought that what he said was patently false and immoral so much that I got up and I went away. I do not accept the idea that a feeling that I consider the most important thing in my life can be outraged by those who don’t even understand what they say and think they are speaking in the name of God. I have not had second thoughts, sometimes in church, I hear homilies that I cannot stand absolutely but I act as if I was just thinking of something else, exams, university, etc.. In high school I still had many doubts, not doubts about what I was, but doubts about how I had to behave. I remember a specific fact, the penultimate year of high school the Italian teacher assigned us as a task to compose a short essay on violence. I thought of speaking about violence against women, racism and the usual things and also about homophobia, but then gave up the idea completely, when the teacher gave us back our works classified in the commenting on one of them said to a student: “You have considered many aspects of the problem: religious intolerance, violence in stadiums, homophobia, violence against women …”, at the word homophobia I felt myself freeze and the eyes of all the guys have focused on the student with whom the teacher was talking and there have been mischievous smiles. That guy is definitely not gay but the word homophobia caused a particular reaction among my classmates, for them it is only an allusion to homosexuality, something more or less ridiculous that they only know from jokes and has been interpreted just as a joke. Obviously I had been right not to talk about homophobia. I don’t think that my classmates were homophobic, for them the problem did not even exist, for them gays were a kind of tribe on the edge of reality, for them a gay guy had to have many characteristics that are recognizable, they didn’t even realize that someone could be hurt by the fact that they were laughing at the word homophobia, in the end they were not homophobic, they were just superficial (stupid) and had no need to understand, because it was something that they weren’t absolutely interest in. Instinctively I have always kept away from groups, from too close friendships and from the gossip and this helped me to finish my high school, maintaining the my reputation of fake straight. In high school I supposed that one of my classmate was gay, but my assumptions were totally wrong. In college I found myself immersed in a completely different world. I had gone to the classical high school, with a strong majority of women (more than 2/3 of my classmates were girls), in the Faculty of Engineering there was instead a strong male predominance, and in particular in my courses. For a gay guy who came from the experience of classical high school, being in an engineering classroom was just like being a child entering the pastry: a huge temptation, an environment that created a community almost entirely male. Some guys were very handsome. If ever I had some little doubt about the fact of being gay this doubt vanished soon after I begun to attend engineering classes We went to classes together at the canteen together, to the study rooms in the library together, we spent together intervals between classes, and inevitably there we would agree to spend free time together as well. I should add that the environment was not gossipy and the guys were not talking only about tits and asses, on the contrary, when it occurred, rather rarely, some speech that touched even homosexuality there weren’t giggles, jokes and things like that but serious talk very far from the stereotypes, nevertheless, despite the high number of guys who attended the faculty there was not even one openly gay, a sign that those who were there did not trust to come out of the closet, exactly what I did. After the first few days began to form stable study groups. The basic element of aggregation was the level of knowledge and skills of individuals. Those that were obviously ahead of the others tended to congregate together and so the selection was made, so to speak, on academic merit. After a few days, and after the results of the first tests of profit, the number of students has decreased quite dramatically, in practice about 40% changed their courses of study and two groups were formed, one of the geniuses always in the front pew during lessons, always with maximum scores, but we are talking about a dozen boys in all, highly motivated but in practice these were young people who lived exclusively for the study, and a second group, let’s say mid-level, with more or less twenty students, and then the group of those who took it for granted that they would not have finished their studies without losing at least one year. I was at the boundary between the first and the second group, I was coming from the secondary school of classical address and at the beginning it was very hard for me but then I went ahead well. Prior to joining the faculty I thought it would have been so much easier, then I realized that to stay afloat at a good level I had to struggle a lot. Those in the first group did not send a shot wide, sometimes I tried to enter their group but I didn’t held the pace and, objectively, they were at levels far more advanced than mine. There was another thing, those guys lived for the study, admitted that they had a girl, they probably saw her for up to an hour on a Sunday afternoon and, because I felt like the a child entering the pastry, I did not want to end up like them, I don’t say that I wanted to make a feast of sweets, but at least I wanted to taste one. In practice I was there certainly to study, but certainly not just for that. I decided that I would be among those to intermediate level, because with them the afternoons were not exclusively to study, there was even talking. I have read on the forum something about gay radar, well, in fact, when one is, or better when a gay guy is in an environment like that one where I was, the first thing is to go by eye, that is, look for the guys who are more attractive, but if this were the only guideline it would be easy to miss the target. And there began, about four or five guys, the exhausting game: is he gay or not? And since the first purpose was just studying and no one used to speak about different things, it was extremely difficult to give an answer about the gayness of my colleagues. At this point there has been an unexpected phenomenon. A guy who didn’t belong to the group of geniuses nor to that of handsome guys and not even to that of supposedly gay guys asks me for my notebook of class notes. I would not have given my block of notes to anyone for all the gold in the world because my notebook was my lifeline and I used to handle it with maniacal care, but that guy was asking for my notebook, I show it to him, then he asks me if he can photocopy it and I say yes, he smiles at me and says something complimentary, more or less that I would get them back the next day. At that time I thought I was wrong to give him my notebook, but I was also happy because it was the first real opportunity to hook a guy, I started to wonder how it would have been if that guy had been gay, but he was not one of the handsome guys, yes, he had a beautiful smile, but it was all there, I just lent my notebook to a guy who had a beautiful smile! Project, now you might think that that guy is now my boyfriend, but no, because he gave me an appointment for the next day to give me back my notes and then showed up accompanied by his girlfriend! I was like an idiot, my brain had begun to go on his own, but fortunately the situation became evident almost immediately. Project, in essence, the child entering the pastry, with his mouth watering has been left empty-handed! According to statistics of gay project among my colleagues there should be at least five or six gays, one is me, then let’s say four or five but they are well hidden, I wonder if they too are like children in the pastry or already have decided to devote themselves exclusively to the study. I would not exclude that some of those geniuses who know everything, then underneath are gays terribly frustrated. Then the second year came, we are further decreased in number and hierarchies based on the results of the examinations are now well established, I stay in the second group, I go forward, but I’m not the new Einstein and frankly I don’t even want to be. My dream is to live a love story, I do not know if I would be able, however, it is certain that I’d try. Until now it has not happened. Project, that’s all, it’s trivial, I know, no overwhelming loves, neither depressing disappointments, so many dreams just too big and a lot of very small achievements. Post this e-mail if you want. I think I’ll send you another e-mail tonight with three or four things that I did not understand very well. You are a great, you did a monstrous job that is really useful!

Gay Hunter (but in a good way!)

_________

If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum:

GAY SEXUALITY AND ANXIETY

This article is aimed at defining the relationship between gay sexuality and anxiety on the basis of the experience gained in Gay Project.

The issues related to sexuality are dealt in general with specific categories different from that used for all other issues. The first reaction, or rather the first public reaction, is demonstrated by smiles, winks, jokes, all attitudes based on the apparent uniformity of the points of view, which is equivalent to saying that “everybody knows how these things go!”

It is difficult, in public, to go beyond the level of formal uniformity. Sexuality is almost always conceived as a private matter, or in public, as a matter of ideology. Precisely for this reason the serious comparison of experiences beyond the limits of formal uniformity takes place in practice only between two people or in very limited groups. There is still a fear of being judged when it comes to sexuality and that’s why speech is, in public, on a very general level, and only in private can start a serious and useful dialog.

I would say that sexuality is the area in which the uniformity is experienced at the highest level. In a group of one hundred people chosen at random, political and cultural elements of all kinds emerge through discussion, but when it comes to sexuality the group seems made up of uniformly heterosexual persons, you may question some external behaviors but not heterosexuality in itself. I cite a concrete example: in a school with a thousand students there are on average eighty gay guys but no one of them can be identified.

The heterosexuality “seems” to dominate the horizon, but in reality, when you start knowing each individual member of the group, you realize that things are not so, that homosexuality exists and that it is not a phenomenon related to minimum minorities. If, going into the specifics, we talk exclusively with that 8% of homosexual population, we realize that those people are actually not only very far from sharing the general idea to be straight, but also that sexuality is still considered by them as a kind of taboo to be experienced only in secret and guilt, in essence, you realize that gay sexuality is often experienced with anxiety.

While 67.97% of heterosexual guys responded to the survey of Gay Project that they had never lived with anxiety the issues related to their sexual orientation, only 20.45% of gay guys gave the same answer.

Which points of reference can have a gay guy in terms of sexuality? The answers seem obvious, first the parents, then the peer group, then the educational system, etc. etc. . In fact it is already difficult for a straight guy to talk about sexuality with his parents, but for a gay guy the problem is often unsurpassable, not only he wouldn’t probably find on the other side a competent answer but he would face a significant risk of being rejected by his own family. The same could happen with the peer group (classmates, friends, etc.).

The education system in most cases is totally unprepared to provide serious answers in these areas. There are notable exceptions in the countries of Northern Europe but in southern European countries, mostly the United States and in almost all other states, not only there is no form of sex education that includes seriously also homosexuality, but in practice projects are reduced to convey some notion of reproductive physiology leaving entirely aside the emotional dimension and the psychological problems related to sexuality. I had to consider some of the projects of sexual education presented in Italy, aimed at young people aged 16 to 18 years, and I found not only the total absence of any reference to homosexuality, but even the total absence of any reference to masturbation, which is then, today, still a taboo also in the straight field.

To get a detailed picture of the situation we can use the statistics of Gay Project.

The following table compares the percentage of gay guys and straight guys who have never used sex chats or have never used dating sites.

                                        straight            gay
never sex chats             80.47%        61.14%
never dating sites         84.38%        53.14%

It is clear that gay guys do more use of gay sex chats and dating sites than straight guys but the reason does not lie in a greater propensity toward sex as fun or toward quick sex, it is instead a reaction entirely predictable to the marginalization to which gays are forced.

Another significant difference is in the reaction of gay guys and straight guys to the discovery of masturbation:

                                    straight           gay
I didn’t tell anyone       58.59%      80.57%
I told friends                35.94%      15.43%

It is clear that for a gay guy to talk about sexuality is much more problematic. The confidence in the group of peers for a gay guy, on average, is less than half of that of a straight guy.

A similar situation is found with the question “Have you ever told anyone that you used pornography?”

                                      straight        gay
I haven’t told anyone    36.72%    64.00%
I told friends                  56.25%    25.15%

Very significant is the comparison of the number of those who have never had sexual intercourse

                                         straight        gay
I’ve never had sex          32.03%     46.29%
mean age                       26.23         26.25

The overall picture shows that a gay guy has a lot more problems than a straight guy in talking about sexuality with his parents, with peers and at school, and then turns to sex chats and dating sites much more than a straight guy the same age, and also that a gay guy has much less chance to have sexual experiences compared to a straight guy.

Unfortunately, even though it is disheartening, the first source of information on sexuality, for gay guys, is the internet, and especially pornography and the environments of erotic chats and dating sites, which provide images that are often very far from the reality of the life of the vast majority of gay guys. Internet affects gay guys much more than it affects the straight guys. All this makes sexuality a taboo subject for gay guys much more than for straight guys.

I often talk in chat with gay guys having a picture of reality derived entirely from the internet, which means almost exclusively from pornography, sex chats and dating sites. Often these guys are not absolutely at ease with the models they have learned from pornography or chats and end up considering their attitude as something abnormal and deviant to be corrected and for this reason they strive to change their point of view. But if they knew the reality of the lives of other gay guys, they would realize that there’s anything to fix.

Issues related to performance anxiety are still common among gay guys and in these cases the erectile deficit is often considered by the guys themselves as their own personal problem to be solved through the complete acceptance of a pattern of behavior that falsely they consider as the rule of the gay world, but that is far from reality and instead derives almost exclusively from pornography.

There are guys with excellent level of culture and remarkable intellectual gifts that are dominated by anxiety related to the idea of having a small penis or of having problems with sexual response, things that doesn’t exist at all, except as a result of an attempt to integrate at any cost, that is forcedly, in a particular gay scene that they consider to be the typical expression of homosexuality.

There are guys who never use the word gay and avoid all matters relating to physical sexuality. The idea that gay guys can talk seriously even about oral sex or masturbation is still very scarcely spread. In reality, these things should not be considered in any way as a taboo because sexuality is an essential part of life for all guys. A good guy is not a good student who will make his way in life but to be a good guy should not have sex or should largely suppress his sexuality, no! A good guy is obviously (and it would be absurd to think otherwise) a guy who has his sexuality and has every right to live it in any way he likes, with the only limit of the respect of the freedom of others. A good guy lives his masturbation and couple sex when he has a partner, and it is essential that he lives these things with confidence and in a relaxed manner, without stupid conditioning, because sexuality is one of the pillars of well-being. In sexuality, more than in any other issue, the restriction of freedom has an impact heavily negative.

The idea that sexuality is a normal reality of life for all, which is not nothing to be ashamed of and that we can speak seriously of sexuality as we speak of all other things, is almost completely lacking, especially among gay guys.

In situations of isolation, that is in a condition where it is not possible or is very difficult to talk about contents related to sexuality, the anxious reaction prevails and behaviors can become risky. The self-esteem itself of a gay guy is often heavily influenced by the perception of his own sexuality as something that he can’t even speak about.

Addressing seriously the issues related to sexuality, putting aside the anxiety, means regaining self-esteem, reducing problems and maintaining a peaceful contact with reality, that is, in short, feeling better about themselves and others.

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If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum:

GAY LOVE WITHOUT GAY COUPLE

Dear Project,
I got to talk to you several times via msn but I think you cannot easily remember me without a more precise reference. Twenty-eight y. o. madly in love with a guy twenty-three with whom I believed to have built a great relationship, then I was abandoned by this guy last summer but in a way that I could not explain, I talked to you for a whole night in the month of September (Nick name: sad). I called you because I needed to get out but talking to you instead gave me a strange feeling, I realized that your way of reasoning and seeing things was extremely different from mine or maybe different from how I had tried to figure out my relationship with that guy.
The thing that struck me most was your vision of couple’s life. I have kept logs of conversations:

Sad wrote: Hello Project, are you busy?

Project wrote: Hello Sad, nice to meet you!

Sad wrote: Maybe you remember, I had written at the end of June, twenty-eight y. o. madly in love with a twenty-three, (he and I had been together in the mountains for Christmas)…

Project wrote: Ah yes … and he had lost his wallet at the hotel and they had given it back to him?

Sad wrote: yes yes exactly! Just that!

Project wrote: Yes, I remember now! A good story, a story that struck me very much. And now, how are you now?

Sad wrote: now I’m single again, the story is over!

Project wrote: but what happened? It seemed that everything was fine…

Sad wrote: he behaved with me in an unworthy manner, treated me with no respect, I had tried to do everything for him and make sure he was okay but he left me as if I were worth nothing to him

Project wrote: but now he’s with another guy?

Sad wrote: no, I do not think

Project wrote: so why is gone?

Sad wrote: I do not know, I did not understand, he told me that he felt too tight, that he did not feel able to make choices, I asked him to meet me but he said no and there was nothing I could do to make him change his opinion, then we just had a fight badly and I sent him to hell and I also think that he took it very badly, but with me, if you want to do something serious it is fine but, if you are just dithering even over fundamental choices, it does not sit well with me at all. It is as if he had used me when he needed me and then had only just left me when I was most in need of him. I thought that at least between us there was a strong relationship, I thought I could rely on him but things were different.

Project wrote: but when it happened?

Sad wrote: more or less a month and a half ago

Project wrote: and after you broke up did you meet again or he disappeared altogether?

Sad wrote: yes he called me, he seemed to want to go back, he told me he loved me but when I asked him if he wanted to go back with me he told me that he did not feel so and that he had not called for it but to know how I was and then I lost my temper and told him to go to hell.

Project wrote: and that was it?

Sad wrote: no, sometimes we also talked on msn but I cannot be on a roller coaster this way, I cannot be exposed to his mood swings, because he basically does not want to be with me and this seems clear to me, I need stability and to him this is not good, that is, the stability seems to him to be a way to give up other things, like if he was closing himself in a trap, and so things cannot go on. I know he is younger than me and maybe he wants to have his experiences but at some point he must also make a clear choice, the fact that now he is alone depends only on him and I do not give a damn, I cannot ruin my life running after him and after everything that comes to his mind. He has a vision of things too different from mine

Project wrote: but is it really true that you do not care about?

Sad wrote: however I cannot tolerate the fact that I have been treated with no respect, let’s face it, Project, now I’m really bad, for me it’s a failure, I need stability, if he doesn’t care at all, I will try to find another guy so that it could be something stable, quiet, with him it would not be so in any case, what do you think about, Project?

Project wrote: are you sure that he wants to break the relationship??

Sad wrote: No, but now I want to close the matter, I cannot go on like this! I’m tired, Project, and I’m disappointed, I had overrated him, I thought that he really cared and instead he proved to be selfish. When he needed me I was there all the time but when I needed him, he didn’t care at all

Project wrote: things you told me long ago about this guy were very positive, just at the level of person, and I’m sorry if, I tell you, but at that time I had the impression that you had a very rigid way of seeing things.

Sad wrote: what is it?

Project wrote: wait, I’ll try to explain, you had in mind a model of close couple and probably the mentality of this guy is not compatible with that model. When you are in love with a person, there is always the risk of actually seeing only some aspects and to complete other aspects according to our desires, but falling really in love means to love a guy for what he is, that is love him even in the aspects that we cannot understand, that usually have deep motivations and are not stupid attitudes, it is possible that couple’s life is not good for him, or not good as you imagine it in the sense of close couple

Sad wrote: it means that he really does not love me! Because he is not willing to give up anything for me

Project wrote: no! Do not say so, really love each other does not mean having to give up something necessarily neither to accept a model of close couple; it’s a whole different thing. I think you could find yourself choosing between the model of close couple and this guy. I would not give for granted that you should give up on this guy and even that the story is over, maybe it’s over the possibility of living with him a story in the way you imagined it and on the other hand does not make sense to think that one must adapt to another, it is possible to find a balance for both but if I have to say what I think, I do not think the story is really over and anyway you do not seem really disappointed.

Sad wrote: I don’t know what to tell you, Project, but now at least for a while, I don’t want any more to know anything about him, then what it means to love one another if you do not feel comfortable as a couple?
Project wrote: I do not know, it’s all to be verified; sometimes we pretend that people adapt to our models, but people and not our models are the absolute value. It is true that this argument should also apply from his point of view, but I think he too may have felt very uncomfortable. Maybe he thought he was accepted as he really was, with all his uncertainties, his contradictions and his need for freedom and not as a guy who had to adapt to what his partner wanted, I will say, however, not to keep rigid positions with him. A relationship doesn’t exist when there is no affection, not when things don’t go according to our plans and here I don’t think that there is no affection and even love.

Sad wrote: well … basically I love him, but it is too difficult for me, no, Project, for me this is not good. I need a minimum of security.

This was our conversation of September and since then many things have happened, I tried to be with other guys, but practically it was impossible because I always had him in mind. Our contacts were not interrupted, he called me several times and was talking to me very seriously, but never wanted to get back together not to deceive me, he said, not to let me think that things could come back as before. He treated me with respect and affection, what I did not expect, even if he did not want to go back to a couple’s relationship with me as before. I do not know if he is in love with another guy, but I don’t think so. With me he is very clear, as he always has been, never good statements and positions always very clear, we have also met in person and more than a single time.

Undoubtedly when I see him I’m taken back to the idea of living with him as a couple, and sometimes it was difficult to accept that it would not happen. He tells me that he needs freedom, to try to live his life, whatever it could be, but that he loves me and I begin to think that it is true, indeed I do. Sometimes we hug and this causes me a strange feeling but it’s a positive felling, I feel that I have not lost him; however, certainly I have to resize my dreams. It’s a bit as you said, Project, I find myself deciding between this guy and the kind of life that I had imagined with him. It still seems very difficult to me to accept that he could be free and could love me even though he fell in love with another guy.

This summer it seemed to me quite inconceivable, now I find it difficult to accept but I do not see it as an absurd hypothesis. In fact, if a guy loves another guy and therefore he doesn’t love you at all because he only thinks of the other guy, then certainly you cannot maintain any relationship, but if the guy could as well continue to love you, even though he is in love with another guy, it would make sense to say that it is better to send everything to hell? I really don’t know, Project.

Evidently, they put us in mind behavior models according to which love must be exclusive, i.e. either with me or with another, but perhaps these models are complications that are not needed at all to love one another. Maybe now it seems to me that I could adapt because in fact now he has not another guy, probably if he had one I could not accept it. In practice, I hope to be everything for him, so he would not need anything else and I would find my peace of mind, in practice a bit as before. That is, now, even if he went away from me, he is still in love with me because really there is not anyone else. Or maybe it could work well even if he really was in love whit another guy? I really don’t know.

With me he was always sincere and I feel that we are really good together. Probably I’m not really everything for him, I’m not enough for him but not in the sense that he devalues me but in the sense that he also needs other things that I cannot give him, I cannot because maybe they are things that I do not understand or just because he also needs affection of others.

In recent times I have the impression that he wants to be close to me, that he cares what I say and what I think and especially that he cares to show me that he loves me but avoiding deluding me. But how can I, Project, to think that maybe we go back together, because it probably will happen, or at least somehow will happen, but how do I then think that he might even have another guy? I’m not saying he could not love me, because I do not think this will happen, but how could I accept not to be everything for him anyway? This thing upsets me. Project, and if, after accepting such a thing, I were worse? And if maybe I’m the one who deceives him because I’m not able to comply with his rules and then I expect it to be business as usual? I think I can find another guy, but it is not what I want.

When I tried to approach other guys I expected from them his reactions, his answers, and instead I found myself in front of quite different things, things from which I was barely involved, in practice I was not involved at all because I thought those guys were not like him. When he’s around I feel his presence very strong and it is not a matter of sex, even arguing with him is another thing. He never tells me I’m right when he thinks that I’m wrong and discussing with him it’s a true discussion, both of us at the same level. After all he has not kept pace but loved me anyway and I have no doubt, but he loved me in his own way. I do not know if we would be back together, it’s probably something else that does not involve the classical concept of couple.

Project, do you understand in what kind of problems I’m involved? It is a situation that previously I would never have accepted for any reason, I would have rejected on principle, but I do not want to be without that guy, certainly the situation in these terms will make me live in anxiety, and I think that the sense of uncertainty will be unavoidable in the future. You really think that it’s possible to find stability this way? That I can be happy even so?

If you want you can publish this e-mail.

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THE BIRTH OF A GAY COUPLE

Hello Project,
we already knew each other and about you I keep very positive memory that dates back more or less to a couple of years ago, when I used as a signature “lovethemusic”, we exchanged some mails, not few, and for me it was an important experience, even if I understood the real meaning only later.
At that time I felt weak and hesitant, today, luckily for me, things have changed and in a sense I think I have understood the true meaning of the things you told me in the mails two years ago.

It is now a year and a half that I’m with a guy, who is six years younger than me, it’s a lot of time, it is true, but since we’ve been together my life has changed, it has changed for me the meaning of the word “love”, my way of being gay has strongly changed. For the first time at the age of 29 I realized how they can be strong the feelings between two guys and for the first time I discovered the meaning of a deep human contact.

We both attended our church, I mostly out of habit, he probably because sincerely believer. We met because we both accompanied a group of young people (14-16 years old) to a summer camp, then he was 21 and I 27. We had already known by sight and a little more even before camping but at the campsite we got to talk a lot and our love story basically started there. I was enchanted by the charm he had on the boys. I was older and the boys with me didn’t familiarize too much, but he joked with him as though he was 15 y.o., and he was perfectly at home in their midst.

We started to talk a bit in the evening when the boys went off to sleep and we remained with the other two camp counselors to refurbish common rooms. At that time I thought that John was straight, because everything made me think so. He hadn’t a girl, I knew it well, but in the end he was very young and had many female friends with whom he was extremely casual. John is a nice guy, I liked him, but I considered him like many other straight guys I had met, in practice a separate world with which I would never had any contact.

The first few days we talked a lot about the church, the boys in the group, the study, the work, but not about the emotional life. I saw that he liked to stay and talk to me and it was always me that I had to stop the conversation because it was too late and we had to go to bed. The camp lasted for around ten days.

Eventually we became friends. I thought that for him, our relationship was a friendship but nothing more. With me he was casual but nothing gave the impression that he could nourish strong feelings for me.

Back in town we started dating, first only through the group linked to our church and then also for our business. In our conversations, only two subjects were completely absent: love and sex. At first I thought it was a sign that it was only a friendship but it did not make sense because in general two friends who already know each other talk a lot about these things. I could observe, however, that slowly our relationship had taken a dimension of everyday life and extraordinary spontaneity, things were developing on their own, we did not even need to agree, any proposal for one of us would automatically be accepted by the other. The smiles and the looking in the eyes had become common things and there was a minimum of physical contact: the hug when we said goodbye was not just a greeting, to invite me to come he took me by the hand, and sometimes he leaned his head on my shoulder or winked as if to say that he knew what I was going to say or do. I tried to be very careful not to expose me, he fascinated me but I tried to avoid him understand it but he must have realized it anyway.

At one point he began to indulge in forms of physical contact more meaningful, such long hugs, sudden and for no apparent reason, accompanied by expressions of happiness when he hugged me. The more I tried to pull back and get things back to usual level, the more John gave sign of feeling frustrated by my behavior. At one point, to fix a moment of embarrassment that had been created, he took the initiative and kissed me, I tried to say no but he replied: “Shut up!” And we remained kissing for 10 minutes. The next day I felt guilty, as if I had taken advantage of him, I told him but I read in his eyes the need to move on, that’s why I put apart every hesitation and hugged him strongly, that night we had our first timid sex. I do not think there’s anything more exciting than being in love with a guy and seeing that that guy wants you deeply. I basically understood what is the true sexuality. He hugged me very strong and had no inhibition, his spontaneity was total and, strangely for me, even my spontaneity was total.

Things went on like this for a few days, then I returned to the usual scruples and started to keep him at a distance. I believe that John has felt totally rejected and it was terrible, he insisted that he loved me but I did not want that between us there was sex anymore and I kept him at a distance for a while, then we restarted our meetings, but we made a pact between us, we decided that we would meet without physical contact. We spent long evenings talking and I began to learn more about John. I was amazed that he acted that way with me even if I wanted to distance. Then I was no longer able to tolerate to see him suffer and we newly began to have sex but the expression is not adequate because in reality, it was true love. For him, sex was a bit a response to his need for affection, was like to realize that his need for affection was much more important than my inhibitions and that in the end I could understand how he truly felt. I never thought that sex could have such an ability to soothe, to reassure that can have an affective so deep meaning.

When I was with him I felt no guilt, it was all so natural, so beautiful, so full of feeling that the idea that it was not a good thing never crossed my mind. But sometimes later, when I was alone, I was reminded that religion condemns these things and then beyond appearances, what we were doing was not a way to be good, but was actually a bad thing, that was a way to hurt him for some reason that I couldn’t even understand. I tried to tell John these things and he listened, puzzled, and yet I knew that he was a believer, but I lived religion through a thousand scruples, he lived it as something liberating. He looked at me with a strong sense of concern and asked me: “Do you really think that we are doing something bad?” And I did not know what to answer, and in those moments I saw him again alone in his solitude, the solitude to which I had forced him, then I took his hand and felt all his hesitation and in that moment it seemed terribly unfair to keep him away from me and then I hugged him strongly.

I knew the weakness of John, his need for love, I felt him close to me as I haven’t felt any other person and slowly I began to put aside my scruples, and I came to understand that our love was true.

Sometimes, when I read things that people say about gays, it takes me a sense of despair, because now for me it is clear that those people do not understand at all what is the gay love, the love between two men. Me too, for a long time indeed, I had strong doubts that between two men could exist a real love, I’ve probably learned this kind of mistrust by the environment in which I lived and for me to go over it was not easy. I started to put aside certain forms of psychological addiction to religion and I began to wonder what for me was good and bad, beyond any preconception and now I have no doubt, and I think that only love has the power to free us from our fears and give us the courage to finally be ourselves.

It remains only one fear that is the fear that my relationship with John can finish. Objectively there is nothing on which to base this fear, but the fact is that the love of John effectively became the cornerstone of my life and think of living without him would not make sense.

In our relationship there have been also moments of misunderstanding but when it happened I never had the fear that our relationship would end. We repeated to each other this thing a thousand times. Today, after a year and a half, I’m a happy man. We do not live together because our families do not know that we are gay and by mutual agreement we decided not to say anything, not for reasons of selfishness or distrust but because we both think that our parents would not understand and every day we receive confirmation from the speeches that we hear at home. In addition to putting in enormous difficulties our parents, we could also expose our relationship to strong tensions but we want to live as a couple in peace of mind. Now I have a job, but it is a job with fixed-term contract and John still studies, if things go on like this, in a few years (I hope) we could be truly independent and we could move in together.

The relationship with religion, in the sense of our community, went into crisis. Obviously in that environment nobody knows about us, therefore nobody can marginalize us but since we know what is the way to see things for the people that live in that environment, we prefer partridge outside to avoid having to pretend a communion of thought which does not exist no longer. But we kept a set of values related to religion and also a great hope that God is better than men and has reserved for us a place in heaven. It is not a figure of speech, it’s a form of faith, I think, we’ll never lose.

Project, now I understand the meaning of many things that you told me and I realize that they were true!
Matthew

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GAY FEELINGS BETWEEN LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

Hello Project,
I don’t know if you remember me, 25 y. o. then, now 26, I give you a clue, we also talked about fencing, I wrote you several months ago when I was affected by a great sense of depression and fear, especially fear because I was getting into trouble but you made ​​me understand it, we talked almost until the morning.

Well, I want to tell you that things have changed and that the cold shower that I got that night was good for me. I abandoned all clubs and dating sites, it was not easy because even if that environment was for me depressing, it was essentially the only outlet for me and actually I was about to enter a real phase of addiction. I started to attend my old friends, all straight but all good guys. I graduated and I also found a job, unfortunately only fixed-term but somehow it’s a job. I had to fabricate an imaginary girl living in another city to ward off the attentions of my co-workers (clearly female co-workers) and especially the gossip, but this is not very important.

I am writing to tell you about another story that has really changed my life. You know that I live in a small village about 30 kilometers from my home town. At that time I still had to make the final exams and to discuss the thesis because I was back to study and I wanted to come to the end as soon as possible. I had an appointment with my teacher at the University to 9.00 in the morning, so I had to leave home at 7.30. I go out, and go by car because of bad weather (October), just after one of the three villages that I have to cross to get to the city it begins to rain heavily, I see a guy on the side of the road without umbrella and looking for a ride, I stop and I do him get in the car. He was hooded and I had barely caught a glimpse of him. He gets in the car all wet and bathes all over the seat, he doesn’t even apologize but immediately asks if I’m going to town, we did not even shook hands, he seems to me quite unkempt, beard of a few days, long hair, nails not very appealing, etc. etc..

During the ride (about 20 minutes) we were in silence without saying a word. When we were close to a porch he asked me to stop and got out of the car, but said nothing. I had to go to the University and it ended there. About a week after, more or less exactly the same thing happens again, this time it pours and we stop for a few minutes to wait for it to pass the time of the most intense rain but almost without saying a word. I just said that in practice I was going to town by car every day at the same time. He didn’t even respond. Then the rain falls and he gets out, but the day after he is in the same place but not hitchhiking, I have the distinct impression that he is there waiting for me.

To reach a minimum of meaningful discourse it took us more than a month but then it happened. We were in the car talking for half an hour. He is 28 years old, I’ll call him Paul, he lives in a village 10 km away from my house, a little village, now he is unemployed because it is very difficult to find a job, to me the matter of work went well but it’s really hard today. In the past worked as an agronomist in a farm. The dialogue with him is very difficult, he tends to see things in a negative way, then at some point the conversation ends, he thanks me in a very ritual way and leaves. In the following days I found him in the same place and at the same time.

And here’s the story of the Sunday. Obviously I do not go to town on Sunday, but a particular Sunday it happened that I had to go and he was there in the same place, even though it was bitterly cold. This time we talked a little more, I asked him what he was doing in the city every day, he said he used to spend the day in a large shopping center because at least it was warm. So he went to town every day, even before we met, and this made me think that maybe he just wanted to get a ride by car, but there is an extra-urban bus line that comes right when I come and I often find the bus just before my car, but he does not take it, perhaps before we met he used to take a bus but now he doesn’t and waits for me. He is not a particularly nice guy and I was not interested from that point of view even if I wanted to understand why this guy was waiting for me in the morning (also on Sunday) just to spend twenty minute with me, if things were really that way.

Project, do not expect sensational endings to this story, at least externally nothing has happened, I know almost nothing about him, he doesn’t tell me and I do not ask questions, but I go out every day to go into town (also on Sundays) in order to spend with him twenty minutes, it is paradoxical, I know. Since he doesn’t even accept my proposal to go to breakfast together. The only change I’ve seen in his habits is a little smile (the smile of someone who is not used to smile). I don’t know what to think about his (and also my) somehow strange behavior, I thought of anything, from the most tragic to the most stupid things but Paul is not superficial. I think he is studying me, I think he’s trying to figure out how deeply I’m interested, probably just as a friend, but the word friend is not reductive. I don’t know if he is gay, I do not know if I would like him to be gay, it’s all so incredibly undefined and yet it is something that intrigues me deeply.

I mean that I expect something from this guy, at least that this friendship will go on like this, that is, that will not end in anything, because for me, little by little, it became important. It was just the fact of thinking continuously of Paul that allowed me to live a real emotional life. Between going to a gay bar and meet people that only are searching for sex from you and thinking constantly of Paul to try to understand a little more about this guy, there is a huge difference, I have the impression that something has been created between us, even though I’m afraid that bring out the speech explicitly can actually make everything collapse.

Between us now there is some hint of a smile and some rare word but very significant and painful, nevertheless I have the impression that things are meaningful and between us there is also an encrypted but very serious dialogue, I do not know yet exactly what is the meaning of our dialog but Paul is now part of my life and I warn very clearly that my life has found its way. I think I’m fond of this guy, I’m fond of (I don’t speak about falling in love) and in the end I do not care whether he’s gay or not, it is as if I felt to be important to him beyond words, it does not matter why I’m important but I realize that I’m really important, I’m not just a piece of the puzzle as I was with other guys, but I’m important as a person.

I realize that what I say is heard and remembered, and that the words he says to me, even if rare, have been planned for a long time because they are especially dedicated to me. If one morning I didn’t find that guy in the same place as usual I would hurt, I would feel abandoned but it never happened and I make sure to never miss to that appointment and then there’s that smile. He may be just a depressed guy who needs a little attention but even this way I would be fine. I know that our silence has a deep meaning and that there is the pleasure of being together twenty minutes a day. For me those twenty minutes set the tone for the day.

Project, I do not deny that I have many doubts and especially I don’t know how to behave because I live in a kind of exhausting waiting for something to happen that never happens and I’m afraid to take the first step. Yet we are not kids, we should have put aside these hesitations now. I do not even know if I feel a sex drive for this guy, certainly for other guys I felt much stronger sexual involvement. He interests me in other respects, more complex and less easy to understand.

Project, I remember when we talked, you were trying to emphasize that the important things come when you least expect them and follow their own logic that has nothing to do with models that everyone can create in his head. I have no plans about this guy, I’m interested in him as a person, I just want to see him smile, maybe even with a girl. He is giving me a lot and I hope I can do the same for him. Project, I’m rediscovering what it means to love someone and it’s something that makes me feel good.
With affection.
Steven

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STATISTICS ON GAY SEXUALITY

I am pleased to announce that now (January 24, 2013) Statistics on gay sexuality by Gay Project are finally available online. The statistics show the status of data at the time of interrogation. Since statistics are mostly about hidden gays, who clearly cannot be reliably detected, it is impossible to create samples that can be said representative in a statistical sense (Gay Project statistics represent the picture of those who have completed the questionnaire), the statistics are nevertheless very important because they are practically the only tool that provides an objective survey of gay sexuality extended to hidden gays.
The service is offered in both Italian and English language.
I invite you to complete and post the questionnaire to contribute to the development of the project (all indications are available on the page linked below):

STATISTICS ON GAY SEXUALITY

Here bellow you can read the complete questionnaire:

1) My age
Use integers only

2) My marital status
I’m single
I’m engaged to a girl
I’m married
I am separate
I’m divorced

3) Sons
No children
I have only one child
I have more than one child

4) Family pressures
My family has never affected me in matters related to my sexuality
I think that my family in the end would let me free to follow my emotional/sexual orientation without major problems
My family expects me to be straight
My family would not accept at all that I was not straight

5) Social expectations
The social context in which I live has virtually no weight on emotional/sexual choices
The social context in which I live I think that in the end would be entirely indifferent to my affective/sexual orientation and I would not cause big problems
The social context in which I live would not accept me easily as gay
In the social context in which I live, as a gay man I would have life impossible

6) Why are you doing this test?
I do the test because I have some doubts about my sexual orientation
I do the test because I’d find confirmation of what I already know in practice on my sexual orientation
I do the test out of curiosity

7) Anxiety and sexual orientation
I’ve never lived with anxiety the issues related to my sexual orientation
At the beginning I lived with anxiety the issues related to my sexual orientation but It doesn’t happen anymore
I still live anxiously the situations related to my sexual orientation
I think that the issues related to my sexual orientation are wrapping me from several points of view

8) Have you done before other tests concerning sexual orientation?
I’ve never done before other tests concerning sexual orientation
I’ve done other tests on sexual orientation but only for fun
I’ve done other tests on sexual orientation and I was not satisfied in the sense that I was not given any definite answer

9) Have you read books or specific articles on sexology or sexual psychology?
I have never read books or specific articles on sexology or sexual psychology
Sometimes I read specific books or articles on sexology or sexual psychology but only out of curiosity
I’d like to read specific books or articles on sexology or sexual psychology but I really don’t have time
I tried to learn seriously reading different specific books or articles on sexology or sexual psychology

10) Have you ever consulted a psychologist for reasons related to sexuality?
I have never consulted a psychologist for reasons related to sexuality
Once I consulted a psychologist for reasons related to sexuality but then I gave up because I thought it was not useful
Once I consulted a psychologist for reasons related to sexuality but then I gave up because it was too expensive
Once I consulted a psychologist for reasons related to sexuality but then I gave up because I did not feel at ease
I have consulted a psychologist for reasons related to sexuality but I haven’t gotten any results
I have consulted a psychologist for reasons related to sexuality and it was definitely useful

11) Have you ever consulted a psychologist for reasons other than sexuality?
I have never consulted a psychologist for reasons other than sexuality
Once I consulted a psychologist for reasons other than sexuality but then I gave up because I thought it wasn’t useful
Once I consulted a psychologist for reasons other than sexuality but then I gave up because it was too expensive
Once I consulted a psychologist for reasons other than sexuality but then I gave up because I did not feel at ease
I have consulted a psychologist for reasons other than sexuality but I haven’t gotten any results
I have consulted a psychologist for reasons other than sexuality and it was definitely useful

12) How do you perceive your sexual orientation
At the beginning I also had a straight period but now I feel much gay
I’ve always felt gay from the beginning
I’m gay, but sometimes I also feel straight impulses
I’am gay but I’m not sexually indifferent to the girls
I’m bisexual with a high gay prevalence
I’m bisexual with a slight gay predominance
I feel bisexual with no particular orientation gay or straight
I felt fully heterosexual or fully gay depending on the time
I’m bisexual with wit a light straight prevalence
I’m bisexual with a high straight prevalence
I’m straight, but the I’m not sexually indifferent to the guys
I’m straight, but sometimes I also feel gay impulses
I have always felt straight from the beginning
At the beginning I also had a gay phase but now I feel much straight

13) Openly/Hidden
I’m openly gay to everyone
I’m gay but only a few friends and my family know
I’m gay but only know a few friends know but at home no one knows
I’m gay but I act straight with my family
I’m gay but I act straight with everyone
I’m bisexual and everyone knows it
I’m bisexual but only a few friends and my family know
I’m bisexual but I only a few friends know but at home no one knows
I’m bisexual but I act straight with my family
I’m bisexual but I act straight with everyone
I’m straight

14) How other consider you in relation to the sexual orientation
My sexuality is not a mystery to anyone
All consider me 100% straight
I think my sexual orientation doesn’t interest anyone
I’m always on my own and other people don’t deal with me
Maybe others have some doubts about my sexual orientation but don’t talk about
The others have doubts about my sexual orientation but don’t talk about in front of me
I think that others think I’m gay
They think I’m gay, and they tell me it clearly

15) Affective orientation perceived
At first I fell in love with girls but now I tend to fall in love just with guys
I tend to fall in love just with guys
I tend to fall in love only with guys but I think I could fall in love with some girls too
I tend to fall in love only with guys but with some girls I’m just fine
I tend to fall in love almost exclusively with guys but also with some girls
I tend to fall in love with both guys and girls, perhaps more with guys
I tend to fall in love with guys and girls equally.
I tend to fall in love with guys or with girls according to the time
I tend to fall in love with both boys and girls, perhaps more with girls
I tend to fall in love almost exclusively with girls, but also some guys
I tend to fall in love only with girls but I’m just fine with some guys
I tend to fall in love only with girls but I think I could fall in love with some guys
I tend to fall in love only with girls
At first I fell in love with guys but now I tend to fall in love only with girls

16) Couple’s sexuality
I’ve never had sex neither heterosexual nor gay
At the beginning I had sex with girls but now I have relationships only with guys
I’ve only had sex with guys
I have sexual relations only with guys despite some straight fantasies
I have sexual relations only with guys but I’m also attracted to girls
I have sexual relations with guys almost exclusively, but sometimes also with girls
I have sexual relations mostly with guys but also with girls
I have sexual relations with guys and girls equally
I have sexual relations with either boys and girls according to the time
I have sexual relations especially with girls but also with guys
I have sex almost exclusively with girls, but sometimes also with guys
I have sexual relations only with girls but I’m also attracted to the guys
I have sexual relations only with girls despite some gay fantasy
I’ve only had sex with girls
At the beginning I had sex with guys but now I have relationships only with girls

17) My ideal couple’s sexuality
The ideal, for me, would be a stable couple openly publicly declared, marriage style
The ideal for me would be a stable couple declared only to family and close friends
The ideal for me would be a stable couple declared only to close friends
The ideal for me would be a couple with a minimum of flexibility but with a stable emotional relationship
I don’t seek a stable partner, I don’t even think it makes sense to try

18) My possible project of couple’s sexuality
I think for me it is possible to achieve a stable couple openly declared, marriage style
I think for me it is possible to achieve a stable couple declared only to family and close friends
I think for me it is possible to achieve a stable couple declared only to close friends
I think for me it is possible to make a couple with a minimum of flexibility but with a stable emotional relationship
I think for me it is not even possible to have a stable partner and not even tried to find

19) Orientation of masturbation
At the beginning I masturbated with straight fantasies but now I only do it with gay fantasies
I masturbate only with gay fantasies
I masturbate only with gay fantasies, sometimes I even have heterosexual fantasies but not connected with masturbation
I masturbate with gay fantasies but I think I could do it even thinking about some girls
I masturbate almost exclusively with gay fantasies, but very rarely also thinking about some girls
I masturbate mostly with gay fantasies but sometimes thinking about girls
I masturbate thinking is either the boys and the girls
I masturbate thinking about boys or girls depending on the time
I masturbate mostly with heterosexual fantasies but sometimes also thinking about guys
I masturbate almost exclusively with heterosexual fantasies, but very rarely also thinking about some guys
I masturbate with straight fantasies but I think I could do it even thinking about some guys
I masturbate only with heterosexual fantasies, sometimes I also have gay fantasies but not connected with masturbation
I masturbate only with heterosexual fantasies
At the beginning I masturbated with gay fantasies but now I do it only with heterosexual fantasies

20) Variability of masturbatory fantasies
My masturbatory fantasies are almost always the same
My masturbatory fantasies seldom change
My masturbatory fantasies are highly variable

21) Use of pornography
I never use pornography
Sometimes I go on straight porn sites t but just out of curiosity
Sometimes I go on gay porn sites but just out of curiosity
Sometimes I go on porn sites both straight and gay, but only out of curiosity
I use mostly straight porn sites to masturbate, I do it often, but I don’t feel affected
I use mainly gay porn sites to masturbate, I do it often, but I don’t feel affected
I use porn sites both straight and gay to masturbate, I do it often, but I don’t feel affected
I use only straight porn sites to masturbate, I do it often, but I don’t feel affected
I use only gay porn sites to masturbate, I do it often, but I don’t feel affected
I’m partially heterosexual pornography addict, I’m on all the time I can
I’m partially gay pornography addict, I’m on all the time I can
I’m partially both straight and gay pornography addict, I’m on all the time I can
Straight pornography for me is a kind of obsession, practically all my time on the internet is dedicated to straight porn sites and I cannot help it
The gay pornography for me is a kind of obsession, practically all my time on the internet is dedicated to gay porn sites and I cannot help it
All pornography both straight and gay for me is a kind of obsession, practically all my time on the internet is dedicated to porn sites and I cannot help it

22) Why I use pornography
I don’t use pornography
I use of pornography because I can’t freely express my sexuality and pornography is practically the only sexual outlet I have
Concrete occasions of sexual involvement in every’s life are few and pornography helps to live at least a virtual sexuality
I might as well do without it but I don’t see why I should, since if you do it with intelligence it doesn’t harm

23) How often do you masturbate using pornography?
I never masturbate using pornography
From 0% to 10%
From 10% to 20%
From 20% to 30%
From 30% to 40%
From 40% to 50%
From 50% to 60%
From 60% to 70%
From 70% to 80%
From 80% to 90%
From 90% to 100%

24) Have you ever gone on a pay porn site?
I’ve never been on a pay porn site
I went on a pay porn site only once
I went on a pay porn site from 2 to 5 times
I went on a pay porn site from 6 to 10 times
I went on a pay porn site more than 10 times
I often go on pay porn sites

25) How many porn sites do you visit regularly?
Usually I don’t visit porn sites
Usually I visit a single porn site
Usually I visit from 2 to 5 porn sites
Usually I visit from 6 to 10 porn sites
Usually I visit more than 10 porn sites

26) Sexual interest polarization
My sexual fantasies focus on a single person who has strong emotional meaning for me
My sexual fantasies focus on two people who have strong emotional meaning for me
My sexual fantasies focus on a small group of people who have strong emotional meaning for me
My sexual fantasies focus especially on people whom I know and attract me sexually
My sexual fantasies are mainly focused on episodes particularly exciting in terms of sex that I happen to live day by day
My sexual fantasies are mainly focused on past memories very exciting in terms of sex
My sexual fantasies are derived mainly from pornography

27) Frequency of masturbation and emotional state
The frequency of my masturbation is practically constant
The frequency of my masturbation tends to increase when I fall in love and to decrease when I’m depressed
The frequency of my masturbation tends to increase when I’m depressed and to decrease when I fall in love

28) What I think about masturbation
I consider masturbation something completely natural
I consider masturbation like a behavior that should go away if you really fall in love
I consider masturbation as a fact that eventually is accepted but is morally reprehensible because in fact exploits the image of another person
I consider masturbation a vice from which you should release because sexuality is a serious thing

29) Masturbation and affection
I consider masturbation and emotions are closely linked and when you fall in love you live in a different way
I think that masturbation and affection are two things that may also have something in common but generally masturbation is just a physiological outlet
I think that masturbation and emotions have nothing in common

30) How do I consider sexuality lived as a couple
I think that the couple’s sexuality is a manner to express love
I think that couple’s sexuality should be a manner to express love but in the end it trivializes the whole
I think that couple’s sexuality is still accepted but is morally wrong because in fact exploits another person for selfish

31) Attraction to the nakedness
I’ve never watched the nakedness of anyone, neither guy nor girl
I watched the nakedness of unaware girls
I watched the nakedness of other unaware guys
I watched the nakedness both of unaware other guys and of unaware girls

32) Causing sexually embarrassing situations
I’ve never done in a way that neither boys nor girls find themselves in sexually embarrassing situations
I acted in order to put other guys in sexually embarrassing situations
I acted in order to put girls in sexually embarrassing situations
I acted in order to put both other guys and girls in sexually embarrassing situations

33) Reactions in situations of collective non-sexual nakedness (locker rooms)
I’ve never been in situations of collective non-sexual nakedness
I made sure that I am not ever in a situation of collective non-sexual nakedness (locker rooms)
When I’m in situations of collective non-sexual nakedness (locker rooms), I feel embarrassment and try to be there for the shortest time possible
I like being in situations of collective non-sexual nakedness (locker rooms) but I try in every way to control my erection that is almost unavoidable
I like being in situations of collective non-sexual nakedness (locker rooms) but I try in every way to control my erection that is almost inevitable if there is any guy that interests me
I’m comfortable in situations of collective non-sexual nakedness (locker rooms) and if you get an erection in the end nothing happens
I’m comfortable in situations of collective non-sexual nakedness (locker rooms), I’m used to and I’m not any more effect
The situations of collective non-sexual nakedness (locker rooms), are for me totally indifferent

34) Heavy sex jokes made in group to other guys (e.g. forced stripping)
I never happened to be present at a heavy sex joke made in group to another guy (e.g. forced stripping)
When I happen to be present at a heavy sex joke made in group to another guy (e.g. forced stripping) I feel embarrassment
When I happen to be present at a heavy sex joke made in group to another guy (e.g. forced stripping) I get excited but I do not take part in the thing
When I happen to be present at a heavy sex joke made in group to another guy (e.g. forced stripping) I take part easily because, it’s just a joke
When I happen to be present at a heavy sex joke made in group to another guy (e.g. forced stripping) I take part easily because it is a sexual game and I like such tings

35) Do you talk about your sexuality with your friends?
My friends and I never talk about my sexuality
With my friends I act 100% straight
With my friends I try to avoid the subject and I don’t say to be gay but not even to be straight
My friends and I talk quietly about my sexuality

36) Do you go to sex chats?
I never go to sex chats
Sometimes I go to straight sex chats but just out of curiosity
Sometimes I go to gay sex chats but just out of curiosity
Sometimes I go both to straight and gay sex chats but just out of curiosity
I happened sometimes to go to straight sex chats because I was trying to contact girls but I never contacted any girl in person among those I met in sex chats
I happened sometimes to go to gay sex chats because I was trying to contact guys but I never contacted any guy in person among those I met in sex chats
I happened sometimes to go to straight sex chats because I was trying to contact girls and then I met in person some of those girls
I happened to go in sometimes to gay sex chats because I was trying to contact gays and then I met personally some of those guys
I happened several times to go to straight sex chats because I was trying to contact girls but I never met any girl in person among those I met in sex chats
I happened several times to go to gay sex chats because I was trying to contact guys but I never met any guy in person among those I met in sex chats
I happened several times to go to straight sex chats because I was trying to contact girls and then I met in person many of those girls
I happened several times to go to gay sex chats because I was trying to contact gays and then I met in person many of those guys
I regularly go to straight sex chats and I know this way many girls in person
I regularly go to gay sex chats and I meet this way many guys in person

37) Do you go to dating sites?
I never go to dating sites
Sometimes I go to straight dating sites but just out of curiosity
Sometimes I go to gay dating sites but just out of curiosity
Sometimes I go to dating sites both straight and gay, but only out of curiosity
I happened to attend sometimes straight dating sites because I was trying to contact girl but I never met any girl in person among those I met in dating sites
I happened to go sometimes to gay dating sites because I was trying to contact gays but I never met any guy in person among those I met in dating sites
I happened to attend sometimes to straight dating sites because I was trying to contact girls and then I met in person some of those girls
I happened to go sometimes to gay dating sites because I was trying to contact gays and then I met in person some of those guys
I happened several times to go to straight dating sites because I was trying to contact girls but I never met any girl in person among those I met in dating sites
I happened several times to go to gay dating sites because I was trying to contact gays but I never met any guy in person among those I met in dating sites
I happened several times to go to straight dating sites because I was trying to contact girls and then I met in person many of those girls
I happened several times to go to gay dating sites because I was trying to contact guys and then I met in person many of those guys
I regularly dating sites straight and I know so many girls in person
I regularly go to gay dating sites and I meet this way many guys in person

38) Have you ever been in a place openly gay?
I’ve never been in a place openly gay
Sometimes I was in a local openly gay but just out of curiosity
I happened sometimes to go to a local openly gay because I go there with friends
I happened sometimes to go to a local openly gay because I was trying to contact guys
I went several times to a local openly gay because I go there with friends
regularly go to the gay locals

39) Straight falling in love and masturbation
I’ve never been in love with a girl
When I fall in love with a girl I avoid masturbating
When I fall in love with a girl I masturbate thinking about her but after I have feelings of guilt
When I fall in love with a girl I masturbate quietly thinking about her
When I fall in love with a girl I masturbate thinking also about other girls but then I feel guilty because I seem to betray
When I fall in love with a girl I masturbate thinking also about some guy but after I feel guilty because I seem to betray
When I fall in love with a girl I masturbate quietly even thinking about other girls
When I fall in love with a girl I masturbate quietly even thinking about some guy
When I fall in love with a girl I masturbate just thinking about other girls, if I did thinking about her I’d feel guilty

40) Gay falling in love and masturbation
I’ve never been in love with a guy
When I fall in love with a guy I avoid masturbating
When I fall in love with a guy I masturbate thinking about him but then I feel guilty
When I fall in love with a guy I masturbate thinking quietly about him
When I fall in love with a guy I masturbate thinking also to other guys but then I feel guilty because it seems to me to betray him
When I fall in love with a guy I masturbate also thinking about some girls but after I feel guilty because it seems to me to betray him
When I fall in love with a guy I masturbate quietly even thinking about other guys
When I fall in love with a guy I masturbate quietly even thinking about some girls
When I fall in love with a guy I masturbate just thinking the other guys, if I did thinking about hit I’d feel guilty

41) Falling in love, sex chat and dating sites
When I fall in love I don’t go to sex chats and dating sites
When I fall in love I try to avoid sex chats and dating sites but don’t always succeed
When I fall in love I continue to go to sex chats and dating sites
I never go to sex chats and dating sites

42) Falling in love and pornography
When I fall in love I don’t need porn sites to masturbate
When I fall in love I try not to go to porn sites to masturbate but sometimes it happens
When I fall in love easily go on watching porn sites to masturbate
I never use pornography

43) Your first memories of episodes that had some sexual coloring for you
The first memories I have of episodes that had some sexual coloring are lost in the past, are distant and irrelevant in practice
The first memories I have of episodes that had some sexual coloring, for me, are not pretty
The first memories I have of episodes that had some sexual coloring, for me, are pleasant

44) The first episodes of your life that had some sexual coloring
The first episodes of my life that had any sexual coloring were about gays younger than me
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring concerned girls younger than me
The first episodes of my life that had any sexual coloring were about gays almost my age
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring concerned girls almost my age
The first episodes of my life that had had some sexual coloring concerned guys older than me
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring concerned girls older than me
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring concerned adult men
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring concerned adult women
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring were related to groups of only guys almost the my age
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring were related to groups of only girls almost the my age
The first episodes of my life that had any sexual coloring were related yo mixed groups of guys and girls almost my age
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring were related to groups of only guys older than me
The first episodes of my life that had some sexual coloring were related to groups of only girls older than me
The first episodes of my life that had any sexual coloring were related to mixed groups of guys and girls older than me

45) The first episodes of your life that had any sexual coloring
The first episodes of my life that had any sexual coloring were homosexual
The first episodes of my life that had any sexual coloring were heterosexual

46) At what age did you discover masturbation?
Answer an integer

47) How did you discover masturbation?
I discovered masturbation alone
I discovered masturbation by speeches of friends
I discovered masturbation with another guy
I discovered masturbation with a girl
I discovered masturbation through masturbation in common with friends
I discovered masturbation through pornography

48) How did you react to the discovery of masturbation?
After the discovery of masturbation I felt panic
After the discovery of masturbation I felt uncertainty
After the discovery of masturbation I tried to suppress it
After the discovery of masturbation, I found it immediately attractive but I lived it with guilt
After the discovery of masturbation I had no problem and I lived very quietly from the beginning

49) The fantasies of your first masturbations
The fantasies of my first masturbations were straight
The fantasies of my first masturbations were gay
The fantasies of my first masturbations were mostly straight
The fantasies of my first masturbations were mostly gay
The fantasies of my first masturbations were both straight and gay

50) Whom were your first masturbations dedicated to?
My first masturbations were always dedicated to guys I had met in real life
My first masturbations were always dedicated to girls I had met in real life
My first masturbations were always dedicated to guys I had seen by accident
My first masturbations were always dedicated to girls I had seen by chance
My first masturbations were always or almost dedicated to pictures of guys coming from pornography and sometimes to guys I had met in real life
My first masturbations were always or almost dedicated to pictures of girls coming from pornography and sometimes to girls I had met in real life
My first masturbations were dedicated both to guys and girls but mostly to guys
My first masturbations were dedicated both to guys and girls but mostly to girls
My first masturbations were dedicated both to guys and girls much or less the same way

51) After the discovery of masturbation did you talk anyone?
After the discovery of masturbation I did not talk about to anyone
After the discovery of masturbation I talked about with my parents
After the discovery of masturbation I talked about with a priest
After the discovery of masturbation I talked about with a psychologist
After the discovery of masturbation I talked about with some older friends
After the discovery of masturbation I talked about with some friends my age

52) At what age did you have your first contact with pornography?
Answer using an integer

53) How did you come to pornography?
I have never come to pornography
I have come to pornography to mimic the behavior of friends
I have come to pornography on the suggestion of friends
I have come to pornography just out of spontaneous curiosity

54) How did you react to the discovery of pornography?
After the discovery of pornography I reacted with excitement
After the discovery of pornography I reacted with feelings of guilt
After the discovery of pornography I reacted with uncertainty
After the discovery of pornography I reacted by trying to avoid it
After the discovery of pornography I found it interesting from the beginning but I was living it with guilt
After the discovery of pornography I had no problem at all and I used it very quietly from the beginning

55) Have you ever told anyone that you were using pornography?
I’ve never told anyone that I was using pornography
I told my parents that I was using pornography
I told a priest that I was using pornography
I told a psychologist that I was using pornography
I told friends older than me that I was using pornography
I told friends my age that I was using pornography
I never used pornography

56) At what age did you first had sexual contact with another person?
Reply 0 if it never happened

57) Who was the person with whom you had the first sexual contact?
I never had sexual contacts
The person with whom I had my first sexual contact was a guy younger than me
The person with whom I had my first sexual contact was a guy my age or so
The person with whom I had my first sexual contact was a guy older than me
The person with whom I had my first sexual contact was an adult man
The person with whom I had my first sexual contact was a girl younger than me
The person with whom I had my first sexual contact was a girl my age or so
The person with whom I had my first sexual contact was an girl older than me
The person with whom I had my first sexual contact was an adult woman

58) How did you get to have the first sexual contact with another person?
I got to have my first sexual contact in a situation that was as a game
I got to have my first sexual contact in a situation that was to me a strong sexual interest
I got to have my first sexual contact in a situations of physical or psychological coercion
I have never had sexual contact

59) Your first sexual contacts were completely episodic or were repeated?
My first sexual contact was entirely episodic, it happened only once
I would say that my first sexual contacts were sporadic, they only happened a few times
My first sexual contacts for a while have become a habit
I never had sexual contacts

60) Satisfaction of your first sexual contact
I really liked my first sexual contact
My first sexual contacts were like a game or so to me
I didn’t really like my first sexual contacts but I didn’t even feel unpleasant
As for my first sexual contacts, I was not displeased but I felt guilty, I said earlier to reject them but then I ended up accepting
I never had sexual contacts

61) Evolution of masturbatory sexuality
My masturbatory fantasies were and still are always gay
My masturbatory fantasies were and still are always straight
My masturbatory fantasies tend to become progressively more gay
My masturbatory fantasies tend to become progressively more straight
My masturbatory fantasies have always been more or less variable

62) How did you meet your current partner or your last partner?
I’ve never had couple’s partners
I met my current partner (or my last partner) at school
I met my current partner (or my last partner) at the university
I met my current partner (or my last partner) at work
I met my current partner (or my last partner) through friends
I met my current partner (or my last partner) via dating sites
I met my current partner (or my last partner) through erotic chats
I met my current partner (or my last partner) attending locals
I met my current partner (or my last partner) randomly through the internet

63) How many guys have you had sexual contact with during your life?
Indicate 0 if it never happened

64) How many girls have you had sexual contact with during your life?
Indicate 0 if it never happened

65) On average, how long endured your straight relationships? Indicate an average in months
Indicate 0 if it never happened

66) On average, how long endured your gay relationships? Indicate an average in months
Indicate 0 if it never happened

67) How did you behave when you weren’t engaged?
When I wasn’t engaged I tried to find a girl
When I wasn’t engaged I tried to find a guy
When I wasn’t engaged I didn’t try to find neither boys nor girls
When I wasn’t engaged I tried to find both boys and girls