I am almost 70 years old and I still like to read your forum. I need such things to feel alive and in touch with the world after us. At my age, I can say that I have learned many things and above all one, that our time is short and we must not waste it running behind things more or less absurd, the only thing that makes sense to life is to try to make better other people.
For a gay, of course, it is essential to have a positive function for other gays, being always available to give them help, if needed. Obviously there is a time for each thing, and those of our age, if they don’t want to end up in ridicule, must understand that their role is not to compete with young people, but to facilitate the way of young people, through adequate behaviors: first of all avoiding to judge, then always telling the truth and knowing how to stay in place.
Falling in love with a guy is one thing, and it’s good for young people, but care about a guy it’s possible at all ages. I saw it in my personal experience: you have to sow something good, without thinking of seeing the results. Probably the results will be there even if we may not see them.
And then, I learned something else, the guys, all the guys and the gay ones in particular, feel a strong need to have around a family-like atmosphere, but not in the sense of prohibitions, advices or judgments, but in the sense of non-judgmental presences, of simple but unconditional affections.
Project, I’m older than you and I have a lot of melancholy on my mind, because now that I start to understand just a little bit how things work, I realize I’m coming to the end of my time and I think that all the experience that I accumulated may not serve any purpose, however, Project, even if I’m old, I feel serene, because I have my affections and I feel paid, there are guys who love me, they are two gay guys (a couple ) that I have met entirely by chance, they are more or less 30 years old, and a beautiful relationship was born among us. Obviously I don’t have to be too present because I would be invasive, they call me every week and more or less every week we go together to have a pizza, in practice they have adopted me.
I’m fine with them, I feel like I was in my family, a bit like a dad who is a widower and tries to move on as he can, but has two children who love him. I never imagined that in old age I could have a similar experience, but I assure you that these are things that fill life, give it meaning and make old age an acceptable thing.
I had read on your forum of a gentleman of our generation who was in a situation similar to mine (but I was not able to find that post), he talked about relationships similar to family ones that can be created in a way completely unexpected and that, perhaps in a minor tone, can create something like a real family, because they create a solidarity.
Of course, perhaps, in a family between parents and children there is mutual support (and perhaps so often there isn’t even that) because the ages of parents and children are less distant, but in fact, with my guys (I call them so) I have a good relationship: they care about me not only for my needs, so to say, daily, like going shopping and picking up my pension at the post office, but they also call me without a specific reason, but just for the pleasure of talking a little with me, at least I see it that way.
I am afraid of one thing: the possibility of losing my personal autonomy and practically “forcing” (not for my will, but out of necessity) these guys to take care of me, I think they would do it, but for them it would be a very heavy bond. However, I try not to think about it and to be comfortable with them as if I were their age.
I’m sorry to have to go out from this world right now that I was starting to feel good: I have a thousand ailments of age, also heavy ones, sometimes physically I’m right on the ground and I don’t know what to expect from the future, even in the short term, but I also have some real affections, completely unexpected, I don’t become young again for this and I have to keep all my illnesses, but I don’t feel alone, I also have real affections, I know they are there and they will stay with me until the end, and then when I see that they are well together, are calm, plan the future … well … I feel deeply comforted.
In short, strange and unpredictable things happen in life, which sometimes change your life for the better, even when you don’t expect it anymore. Well, I greet you, Project! Even when you’re old, you can feel good, at least on an emotional level, when you’re not really alone.
James from Bologna.
If you like, you can join the discussion on this post on Gay Project Forum: http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-unpredictable-gay-relationships